Transform Your Life through Mildness
In a world dominated by the pursuit of success at any cost, the true essence of personal growth can be overshadowed.
Social media enforces the idea that power equates to success, framing personal growth as a race rather than a journey.
However, this article seeks to highlight the underestimated force of mildness in the journey for personal development.
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1. Self-Compassion as a Foundation
At the heart of personal growth lies the crucial element of self-compassion. Facing setbacks, remaining positive and building resilience are key components of personal development.
Rather than dwelling on shortcomings, cultivating a kind relationship with oneself is essential for maintaining a positive mindset.
Scientific research, exemplified by the works of Neff and McGehee [1], demonstrate that fostering self-compassion can significantly increase overall positivity:
Their research suggests that self-compassion can positively impact well-being. Especially, for those from dysfunctional families, it offers a way to establish healthier self-relations and cope with family issues by acknowledging imperfections in themselves and their parents.
Growing up, my childhood wasn’t picture perfect. Both physical as mental abuse were present. For a long time, I kept it to myself, feeling ashamed. The weight of that heavy burden gradually intensified over time.
After seeking professional help, I realized resentment and shame weren’t the answers. Instead, I found solace in being mild. To my parents, for having their own personal traumas to deal with. To myself, in order to rebuild my self-esteem.
While mildness doesn’t excuse past actions but frees me from holding onto negative feelings. This perspective has helped me grow as a person, a professional, a partner and a parent.
2. Cultivating Mildness in Interactions
Contrary to the perception that personal growth is an individual exercise, those around you — partners, parents, coaches, colleagues, managers — can serve as catalysts for your growth.
Extending mildness, or empathy, to others and choosing understanding over judgment creates a ripple effect that strengthens connections and contributes to a positive and collaborative environment.
Research, such as that by Côté and Hideg [2], underscores the positive impact of empathy on relations and teamwork:
People judge individuals who display happiness to be likable and trustworthy , and individuals who display anger are not well-liked. For example, customers who are not able to perceive the enthusiasm displayed by a service agent should not be very likely to decide to make more purchases.
Empathy will therefore not only strengthen connections but also create a positive and collaborative environment, enhancing personal and professional growth.
My biggest success in my up to now short career has come from empathy. All too often we listen, to respond instead of to understand. Caring for those around me and trying to understand how they feel about their work, the project, etc. has helped helps me to foster win-win situations.
On the other end, colleagues who fear stepping out of their personal zone and opt for judgment over understanding, risk isolation. Thereby hindering their personal growth.
3. Embracing Vulnerability for Growth
To be mild requires one to be vulnerable — a trait often depicted negatively in our society. In my personal opinion, those who dare to share vulnerability have the strongest personality.
Embracing vulnerability means acknowledging flaws and imperfections, understanding areas where growth is needed, and being open to learning from experiences and through collaboration.
To put it in the words of Dr. Brené Brown [3]:
“We love seeing raw truth and openness in other people, but we’re afraid to let them see it in us.”
Reflecting on my own struggles with personal health over the past decade, my reluctance to seek professional help came from an inability to show vulnerability. Convincing myself that I should be smart enough to solve my own issues led me to internalize my struggles.
By showing vulnerability to others and mainly myself I was finally able to admit I needed help. Nowadays, I embrace this vulnerability and openly share it with my loved ones. This choice has resulted in the cultivation of much more fulfilling connections and significant personal growth.
4. Resilience Through Gentle Strength
Mildness is a silent strength that shines brightest in times of adversity. Everyone’s journey has a different start and finish, and being mild to oneself is crucial, especially when you are not in the lead. But who knows, you may have already run an additional marathon to get where you are!
We live in a society of “never enough” where it often feels like we do not live up to the set standards. Through social media we always comparing and competing.
Feeling pressured to project an image of happiness and success. Instead, it’s crucial to be gentle with ourselves, avoiding unrealistic expectations
In the past year, I deliberately chose to distance myself from social media. I desired greater control over the information I received and when I received it.
The constant comparisons had become draining, casting a negative shadow on aspects of my life for which I am genuinely thankful.
A transformative practice for me has been the “3 positive things intervention” [4]. Each day, by reminding myself of three things I am grateful for, I’ve managed to find fulfillment in my daily life, without feeling the need to compare to others.
Key Takeaway
In conclusion, adopting a mindset of mildness towards oneself and others nurtures personal growth in a sustainable and fulfilling manner. It goes in against the conventional notions of power and success, offering a gentler path to self-discovery and growth. Moreover, it changes the ‘personal race’ into a ‘mutual journey’, one where you and those close to you elevate each other.
Bibliography
[1] Neff, K. D., & McGehee, P. (2010). “Self-compassion and psychological resilience among adolescents and young adults.” Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 98(2), 219–227.
[2] Côté, S., & Hideg, I. (2011). “The ability to influence others via emotion displays: A new dimension of emotional intelligence.” Organizational Psychology Review, 1(1), 53–71.
[3] Brown, B. (2012). “Daring greatly: How the courage to be vulnerable transforms the way we live, love, parent, and lead.” Avery.
[4] Blanchfield, A. W., Hardy, J., & Marcora, S. M. (2014). “Non-conscious visual cues related to affect and action alter perception of effort and endurance performance.” Frontiers in Human Neuroscience, 8, 967.
