Turning Inward: The Only Way to Hear Yourself

We already have the answers to all of our life’s questions.

pexels.

To know who you truly are and what you want, you must learn to hear yourself.

The only way to hear yourself is to cultivate a loving, compassionate, and attentive relationship with your body.

I teach mindfulness and life skills at a music school. Yesterday, we discussed “how to understand ourselves and figure out what we truly want.”

The students I worked with are about to finish their program. During our check-in, one student shared concerns about not knowing what to do next and feeling overwhelmed by all the upcoming free time after leaving school.

I guided him to take a deep breath, close his eyes, and notice where the feelings of fear and overwhelm were in his body.

Then, I encouraged him to acknowledge these feelings, letting them know he was aware of their presence.

Next, I suggested that he stay with those feelings with compassion and patience, simply noticing them without wanting them to be different.

Then, I asked him to ask the sensations in his body, “Is there anything you would like me to know?”

After a moment, he took a deep breath and let out a sigh. When I inquired if he received an answer from his feelings, he nodded yes. I allowed him to stay quiet for a while, keeping his eyes closed.

When he opened his eyes, he shared, “I’m a music producer, and I look forward to spending time producing and bringing my creative ideas to life.”

His anxiety had transformed into excitement about the future.

He could hear himself.

How To Hear Yourself

We are constantly communicating with ourselves. Our bodies are always telling us what we like, want and need. They arlet us when we feel unsafe and when we are at ease.

These messages come to us through physical sensations, emotions, and physiological responses.

When this communication is disrupted or ignored, we lose touch with our deepest needs and true longings. This can make it hard to understand ourselves, make decisions, and have healthy and connected relationships.

The intricate language of our bodies serves as our internal compass, guiding us through life’s complexities. When can’t hear ourselves in this way, it creates a disconnection, leaving us estranged from our own inner signals.

In essence, the breakdown in this communication deprives us of the profound self-awareness necessary for leading a fulfilling and balanced life.

“Traumatized people chronically feel unsafe inside their bodies: The past is alive in the form of gnawing interior discomfort. Their bodies are constantly bombarded by visceral warning signs, and, in an attempt to control these processes, they often become expert at ignoring their gut feelings and in numbing awareness of what is played out inside. They learn to hide from their selves.” ― Bessel A. van der Kolk

The problem arises because many of us have experienced disruptions in this communication with our bodies due to both minor and significant instances of trauma.

These traumatic events can range from seemingly small incidents to major life-altering experiences, and they have the power to create barriers in our ability to tune in to the signals our bodies send us.

Trauma can imprint itself on our physical and emotional responses, causing a rupture in the natural flow of communication. As a result, the once-clear messages about our preferences, safety, and needs become distorted or muted.

The aftermath of trauma often includes a sense of disconnection from oneself, making it challenging to trust our instincts or understand our own desires.

In the book “The Body Keeps the Score,” psychiatrist Bessel van der Kolk explains how traumatic experiences, especially those linked to war and extreme stress, can show up in the body and cause different symptoms.

He also points out that trauma can create a disconnection between the mind and the body.

These are some of the ways trauma cuts us off from our bodies:

1. Dissociation: Trauma can lead to dissociation, a psychological mechanism where we disconnect from our thoughts, feelings, memories, and even physical sensations. This dissociation can serve as a way to cope with overwhelming emotions and experiences.
2. Numbing: One common response to trauma is emotional numbness. This numbness can extend to physical sensations, making us feel detached from our bodies. It becomes a way of self-protection to avoid the pain associated with the traumatic memories.
3. Loss of Awareness: Trauma survivors may lose awareness of their bodies and physical needs. They might ignore hunger, pain, or other bodily sensations, as the focus is on emotional survival and coping with the aftermath of trauma.
4. Fragmentation: Traumatic experiences can lead to a fragmentation of the self. The mind and body may no longer operate as a unified whole, with survivors experiencing a sense of disintegration or fragmentation in their sense of self.
5. Impact on Sensory Perception: Trauma can alter sensory perceptions, making us more sensitive to stimuli or, conversely, desensitized. Hypervigilance and heightened arousal can become chronic, affecting how we perceive and react to the world around us.
6. Inability to Feel Safe in One’s Body: Trauma survivors may struggle to feel safe within their bodies. The physiological changes associated with trauma, such as increased heart rate or muscle tension, can persist long after the traumatic event has ended, making it difficult for individuals to relax and feel secure.

If we want to hear and understand ourselves better, we need to work on improving our relationship with our bodies.

Practices like mindfulness, yoga, and other therapies centered around the body can assist in building a closer, more caring, and compassionate relationship with ourselves. These practices encourage a deeper understanding of our thoughts and feelings by connecting with the sensations and experiences in our bodies.

We begin to truly hear ourselves when we can be kind and attentive towards ourselves as we are, regardless of our circumstances.

Sources:

Kolk, V. D., & Bessel, A. (2014). The body keeps the score: brain, mind, and body in the healing of trauma. https://ci.nii.ac.jp/ncid/BB19708339