Two Opposing Perspectives on Approaching Life

The spectrum of conformity and non-conformity

Photo by Timon Studler on Unsplash

In this article, I want to talk about two major groups of people that make up our society: conformists and non-conformists. First I should say that I don’t believe that any person in this world is 100% conformist or non-conformist. Rather, it is a spectrum. I use the terms “conformist type” and “non-conformist type” to describe which side of the spectrum a person falls on. A person is not static on the spectrum either, so they can move to the non-conformist side or conformist side pretty easily with a simple change in mindset. It all comes down to trust. If you lean conformist, you’ll put more of your trust in the group or culture you identify with. If you lean non-conformist, you’ll put more of your trust in yourself and your own intuition.

For the rest of the article, I’ll list out the advantages and disadvantages of each type based on my own personal observation. I don’t think one type is better than the other, even though the word “conformist” seems to have a negative connotation in our culture. I also go into two of the biggest pitfalls that conformist types and non-conformist types can to fall into. The biggest pitfall for conformist types is the possibility of rallying around an ideology that is not rooted in good morals, which can lead to widespread conflict and unnecessary suffering. Non-conformist types, on the other hand, may fall into the pitfall of depression and nihilism, since the many of the things that our society tells us are necessary or meaningful in life often do not resonate with non-conformist types on a personal level.

Non-Conformist Types

I’ll go into the non-conformist type first because I personally identify as one. I was sort of steered in this direction when I was a kid because I didn’t have the best social skills, so I had to learn how to feel comfortable functioning outside of the group. But I’ve sort of found my way despite this. Here are some of the advantages and disadvantages I have found with being a non-conformist type. I find that the further I fall on the non-conformist end of the spectrum, the more significant these advantages and disadvantages become.

Advantages:

• Greater freedom to be independent and open-minded
• Easier to rely on own mind and intuition when making decisions
• Better at predicting events before they happen
• Greater ability for creativity and innovation
• Can adapt quickly and remain calm in uncertain times
• More likely to follow an atypical, personally meaningful path in life
• More resilient when faced with loneliness
• Greater self-confidence when mental health is good
• Great success that comes from taking risks

Disadvantages:

• Frequent depression and nihilism
• Feeling lost and directionless at times
• Stress of having to watch unnecessary group fighting from the sidelines
• Feeling of not fitting in with the group
• Lack of awareness of social cues and styles
• More likely to experience social isolation
• Less agreeable
• More difficult to earn people’s trust
• Failures that come from taking risks

From my experience, one of the biggest pitfalls that a non-conformist type may fall into is poor mental health. Because they often function best outside of a group, non-conformist types are often left to their own devices to navigate through life. But the standard path that people in our society are steered into following often does not hold much meaningful value to a non-conformist type, which can lead to feelings of nihilism and depression. Some non-conformist types are able to function perfectly well without the need for greater meaning in their life. I personally cannot live a nihilistic life because it leads to depression. I need meaning to keep me going. Organized religion has never really resonated with me on a personal level because I cannot resist the temptation to ask a lot of questions. But over the past few years, I have been able to rediscover meaning in my life through the appearance of meaningful coincidences, or synchronicities as they’re often called. I’ll describe my personal experience with synchronicity in the following paragraphs.

A few years ago, one of my coworkers drowned in a river. It is unknown whether it was accidental or intentional, but from what I can gather, it sounds like he was going through a lot of pain at the time. He was only in his early 20’s. It had a huge effect on me. It made me realize how connected yet disconnected all of us are in this world. I had wondered if he was going through something based on some of the interactions I had with him months before this event, but it never came up in conversation. I wish I had asked him how he was doing. He was a good person and did not deserve to die young.

Several bizarre things happened to me in the aftermath of this event. I won’t get into the specifics, but to summarize, I came across a few synchronicities. Before this event, there are only two other synchronicities I can think of that really stand out in my mind. But four synchronicities come to mind when I think back to the aftermath of his death. I thought I was losing my mind at the time. It felt like I was stuck in some sort of bad dream or somebody was trying to play a prank on me. I couldn’t logically explain why these coincidences were suddenly appearing at this particular time in my life. It made the whole experience have an even greater impact on me than it would have otherwise.

Since that event, I have consistently been coming across synchronicities on a regular basis. They were shocking to come across at first, but over time I began to look forward to their appearance more and more. I’ve found that they are a great way to find some sort of greater meaning in my life, which has been very effective for me in fighting depression and nihilism. One of the issues, though, is that you will often get sideways looks from people when you bring this topic up. But I don’t care anymore. I know that I might get labeled as crazy, but I would rather live a life that is happy and full of meaning than one that is depressing and meaningless. To me, it makes logical sense to treat these synchronicities as signs that I’m following some sort of meaningful path in my life because it makes me feel strong as opposed to weak. And it makes my life feel more like a story instead of just a meaningless process.

I’m really fascinated with synchronicities and I’ve been trying to understand how they work. I’ve noticed that I go through periods where I might come across several in one week, but there are other periods where I might not notice any for over a month. The best explanation I have come up with is that the frequency of their occurrence depends on my mental state. I find that when I come across a synchronicity, it disrupts the mental pattern I’m in and puts me in a much happier mood. It also helps eliminate any sort of nihilism I might be feeling at the moment and replaces it with a feeling that I’m following some sort of meaningful path in life.

I think a person’s state of mind has a huge effect on the decisions that they make. When I’m happy and feel like my life is meaningful, I come across way more synchronicities than when I’m feeling depressed and nihilistic. I think it is because I make very different life decisions in each of these mental states, and for whatever reason, the decisions that I make in a happier state of mind lead me to more synchronicities. Because the definition of a synchronicity is a meaningful coincidence, it would make sense that a person who treats their life as having some sort of meaningful significance would come across more of them than a nihilistic person. That leads me to another point. I notice that I go through “synchronicity droughts” when a bad event happens to me and I revert back to my old nihilistic/depressed self. The only way to get out of the drought is to rediscover a meaningful path that I can take in my life in an attempt to make it feel more like a story again. Sometimes I’ll get lucky and come across a synchronicity, which often signals the end of the drought.

I initially thought I was going crazy when I started looking for synchronicities in my life. But to my surprise, a lot of people use them as a way to bring meaning into their life. It makes me wonder if it is human instinct to seek these out. I sort of just gravitated toward them for some reason when I started coming across them. They were just very intriguing to me. Synchronicity is just one way that a non-conformist type can find meaning in their life. I’m sure there are many other ways one can go about fighting their depression and nihilism, such as through hobbies or mindfulness techniques, like meditation. And of course, one can also embrace a more conformist type of mindset to improve their social life.

Conformist Types

I’m not going to lie, I feel like conformist types often have it a lot easier in our society. But over the past 10 years or so, our society seems to have undergone a dramatic shift, and conformist types do not seem to feel as comfortable as they once did. There seems to be a general uneasiness among everyone in our society right now. With this in mind, here are the advantages and disadvantages I see with being a conformist type. As with non-conformist types, the further a person falls on the conformist end of the spectrum, the more significant these advantages and disadvantages become.

Advantages:

• More likely to feel accepted by their group or community
• Easier to form trusting relationships
• Better teamwork skills
• Strength in numbers
• Content to follow a standard path in life
• More structured lifestyle
• More influenced by positive social pressure
• Easier to find spiritual meaning in life (through organized religion)
• Better mental health during times of stability

Disadvantages:

• More close-minded to outside ideas
• Less likely to ask “why” questions
• More difficult to trust own intuition
• Loss of personal identity from pressure to conform
• More likely to give in to negative social pressure
• Easier to be influenced by bad actors
• Political and ideological polarization
• Diversity of opinion within the group is often discouraged
• Mental health is more likely to suffer during uncertain times

Probably the greatest pitfall to being a conformist type is the possibility of falling prey to an ideology that is not rooted in good morals. The risk of this happening is greatest during uncertain times when confusion takes hold of the group that the conformist type identifies with. Uncertain times can also make the group more paranoid of the intentions of outside groups. This can lead to the dangerous mindset of “good versus evil”. This type of mindset has hijacked many groups of people throughout history, and it almost never leads to good outcomes. Some of the most horrible events in history, such as the Holocaust, were started by leaders who convinced their followers that outside groups of people had malicious intentions and could not be trusted. But today, we know that it wasn’t the Jews who ended up committing the evil acts associated with the Holocaust.

The wars in Ukraine and the Middle East that are happening right now have been fueled by a paranoia that outside groups of people have malicious intentions. Both sides are pressured to take up this mentality out of fear, because if they were to let their guard down, they could suffer at the hands of the other side. I think the only way to break this cycle with the least possible amount of suffering is for the people that make up these groups to develop a more curious and open-minded outlook (as opposed to fearful and close-minded), which is extremely difficult to do when emotions are high and people on the other side have already engaged in horrible acts of violence. Members from both sides must be willing to come together, which requires a lot of courage. It will require certain members that make up these groups to take on a more non-conformist mindset and try to establish channels of trust with members of the opposing group. The hope would be that the majority of the rest of the group (on both sides) would be able to recognize the good in the other side, forgive, and push for de-escalation. Business as usual will only cause further unnecessary suffering to both sides.

Personally, I’m worried about the “good versus evil” mindset taking over both political parties in the U.S. They seem to have become much less tolerant of each other over the last several years. It’s not too bad yet, but all it takes is a couple of bad events to create hard times, which can quickly get people at each other’s throats. The trend that is happening does not seem promising to me, especially considering the fact that two new wars have begun in just the last two years alone. The “good versus evil” mentality from these places seems to be seeping into the minds of many people here. Probably the only way to reverse this trend is for people within both political parties to embrace a more non-conformist type of mindset to partially disconnect themselves from the group. This will encourage people to become more politically independent, free-thinking, and open-minded. A peaceful future would be much more likely. When people are connected more strongly to their own intuition, I think they are much more likely to see the good in other people than if they rely on the group to tell them what to think.

Final Thoughts

I think the best place to be on the spectrum of conformity and non-conformity is right in the middle. That way, a person can get the best of both worlds while minimizing the risks that come with either type. For conformist types, I admire the trust and solidarity that they feel with each other the most. For non-conformist types, I admire the more open-minded attitude that many of them have. It would be great if there was a way for these two qualities to better coexist in the world. They often seem to be at odds with each other today. While conformist types may fear being open-minded to outside ideas because it can threaten the group identity, non-conformist types may be afraid of speaking their mind because they fear rejection. Both types would probably benefit by striving to be more in the center of the spectrum.