Authentic Wisdom Amidst Deep Fakes: The UNFILTERED GEMS of a Happy Marriage.
BRAND NEW WIFE, she trips and then…
The first day you got married how excited were you to see your wife. Don’t tell me, it's having flashbacks, calm down, okay. Ten years go by, and you come home. The day you came home and saw your wife for the first time…...
You went to work for the first time. Came home and saw your brand-new wife for the first time…. is a different juicy feeling. Ten years later you come home, and you look at her, and she looks at you, and it’s beautiful just like the first day.
No, it’s not. Something’s falling apart like promised titanic.
You’re walking with your wife like the week you got married. You’re walking with your wife, and she trips. Brand new wife… she trips, what do you do “oh? Are you okay? Are you alright, I don’t want anything ever happen to you”. You guys …WOW.
Then ten years go by and you’re walking down the same street and she trips again you keep on going … haha…., you keep on going you turn back, and you say “pick yourself up woman I can’t even take you in public nowadays what is wrong with you” anyway so marriages can start turning the fate of titanic, no not that one.
Husband and wife get into arguments. It doesn’t happen with people of “medium.com”, everywhere else. You guys are immune, but you get into an argument. Every time it’s the same conversation over and over and over again. After the 100th time you in your head you’re like — she just said this and you you’re thinking in your head “oh yeah…well what about….” and then you know how that sentence goes and you’ve used it 57,866 times before. You know when you say that. You know what the reaction is going to be and then what the counter. You know the whole thing. You know this. This is the same match it’s been played the same exact way several hundred thousand times, but you know what you’re like “I got to do it again”. You know what — that communication lacks wisdom because you’re running into the same. You’re not recognizing the pattern. You’re not recognizing the problem.
Now, the secrete sauce, “when” you want a happy marriage life. It’s not IF, it’s WHEN, because these simple solutions are very powerful. It works.
In the beginning of marriage is very passionate. You’re obsessed with your wife. You can’t think about anything else. Your friends call you; they go straight to voicemail, right? because you just got married. You know for six months you’re out of sight. Nobody sees you but then as marriage goes further, what keeps marriage alive. Isn’t that passionate anymore? because other obligations come in. There are kids, there’s work there’s not honeymoon anymore. How do you keep the marriage sustained?
Mercy towards your wife. Mercy towards the husband. Courtesy between you.
This man comes to a well-known community leader. Here their conversation goes like this;
Man: he says I want to divorce my wife.
leader: why do you want to divorce your wife.
Man: no, I don’t love her anymore, I don’t find her attractive anymore.
leader: what about courtesy? what about the courtesy with your wife? she doesn’t take care of your kids? she hasn’t put up with you all this time?
We’re very difficult creatures to put up with and our wives put up with us. Even if they share, you know, say a couple of words here and there. In the end they still put up with us, right? So, they do quite a bit for us. So we can’t just say “oh…. .well, she doesn’t look like what I was imagining”. You know, back in the day what I didn’t use to lower my gaze. I saw some things on TV and I was expecting that. You know, this is, it’s really not the healthy attitude. If men watch their gaze. They control their temptations and then they do the best with their wife, they will be the most satisfied and they won’t have any temptations outside.
I’m ranting on the brothers but at the same time the sisters have to understand this. God created men and women very differently.
MEN, their biggest weaknesses are women. They could be Rich, they could be poor, they could be, you know, healthy and not very healthy, skinny and fat or tall. Doesn’t matter, what culture, what language, all of them have the same weakness WOMEN.
Women in majority cases, he made them oblivious to this weakness of men. They did realize how bad it is. So when the instruction comes on a woman to lower their gaze. “Oh yeah I could do that” and they’re like “what’s the big deal, why can’t men just lower their gaze”. See…you — she doesn’t understand.
What I don’t understand, you have eyes I have. As they have retina, you know, it processes the same information, so what’s the problem?
You see, they’re not. They don’t understand the power of this desire that put inside of men. The number one of the desires that were beautified for men were desires for women, it’s an open secret. It’s a serious problem. So though if the wives understand that then instead of condemning their husband, are you so weak? how come you can’t control your eyes? Instead of knowing that they would accept this is the way men are created. You have to, the wife has a role of supporting her husband and becoming strong. She can do that by warding temptations off from him not by lecturing him. The other thing that’s very important for wives to understand.
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The husband, he goes to the office, or he goes to the train and there are women horribly dressed. They’re sitting there smiling at everybody, trying to, you know, basically this is all these women have in terms of their dignity. They’re not respected for their intellect. They’re not respected for their opinions. All they think is we’re going to be respected if men see more of our shame. They dress in indecent fashion because when men look at them, they feel kind of self-respect that I’m worth something people are looking at me. That’s basically what it is. It’s really horrible. It’s sad. Then they go to the office and the secretary’s smiling at you, saying how are you? how was your day? you know, what are you getting for lunch? all those smooth sighs, you know and they’re smiling at you, all ad women are smiling at you and then….
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You get home and you open the door…. where were you?
I look at the train, the train was late. Oh, every day the train is late. Oh yeah, I understand, you know.
There’s a frown every day and the first day it’s and the first day it’s okay. The second day it’s okay. Ten years of this, twelve years of this, what’s goanna happen? The husband has resentment towards the wife even if he doesn’t say anything, he’s building resentment inside.
The simple, simple solution is a smile of the wife. When the husband comes home, you know, how big a deal this is ? this is not a small thing. It stabs the husband when the husband comes home, and the wife doesn’t care. He’s very disturbed, why? that he may not say something. At office, his seniors might have played with his self-respect, but he kept quiet for the sake of family. Before marriage, many times he could have thrown his job at his senior face if something award like that happened. It really, really hurts husbands and it hurts the relationship, and it comes out in weird ways.
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Now that they’re hurt. Since, they’re kind of upset. As they’re having dinner “oh there’s not enough salt in here. Is our economy had gone so much bad?” They’re extra angry at the kids. They are frustrated.
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The same scenario the wife opens the door, and she greets the husband with a smile. Just a smile it’s not expensive, but what happens the rest of the night goes smoothly. Husband is in a good mood. He’s talking to her. When she’s trying to talk to husband, I don’t want to talk right now I have a headache. That’s goanna happens, a fake excuse, NO.
All started from where? just one little act of the wife. These are simple solutions but they’re powerful solutions.
You don’t take care of these solutions and things. This baggage just keeps adding up and adding up and adding up and that’s where you get those statistics because the husband doesn’t want to look at the wife, she’s just annoying. You know she’s just as this or that right. So, both sides have to understand. They have to take care of the other side instead of expecting from the other side. Just make a goal for yourself to take care of the other side. The only time they don’t guard their privates is with their spouses and this relationship is very strong.
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The husband is in bad mood. Someone, tried to get into his and hulk-i-fy him. This time, the train is actually late. The same scenario the wife dressed-up nicely, opens the door, and she greets the husband with a smile.
“Oh, do you think taking off specs makes you look good?”
“No, taking off specs makes you actually look good.”
She’s really goanna be nice to you now…... huh…. it’s not it’s not a contest. So, if you want to make it a competition you will never defeat women not, not your mother, not your sister, not your wife, you will never defeat them in argument because what they can come up with, you didn’t even think of on the back of your head right there. It is going to boil your blood, even though if it’s her mistake. Why to compete, where defeat is for sure.
God put this in them you know they have; they have the power of speech, psychological speech, effective speech. So, you have to learn to deal with that. The other thing another piece of advice just in terms of harmony between husband and wife is that you know argumentation — men seem to think everything can be solved by reasoning and logical evidence, right? They forget that God didn’t create women in this simple black and white fashion. Women are complicated creatures.
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When you get married many of you will testify your wife is crying one day. You ask her — why are you crying, she’ll say I don’t know? I I’ll talk to you later about it and you say no really this is something I did? No leave me alone I don’t know.
They really don’t know sometimes and if they do, it’s too complicated for you to understand. So, this what, you’re not going to get it right anyway. So, they’re complex creatures and so you will learn this. When you’re not married, you’ll learn this with your mother, and you will learn this with your sister. You try to reason with them. You give them reasons for why you did something that disappointed them. They’ll say, “oh so you know so much better fine next time I shouldn’t argue with you because you’re so smart” and their feelings will be hurt. Who just lost that argument? you did because you tried to reason.
The way you argue, or you want to make your point with women, what’s the best way to make your point with women. It’s not by argument. The best way to make a point with your wife or to make a point with your mother is actually the one is mercy and second is silence. You know how effective silence is?
For good believing wives if the husband is silent then she will say what’s the matter, is there something I did? but if the husband talks back, oh man, she will talk back way better than you can, right? She will come back with a better answer than you ever thought possible. If you remain silent and if there’s an ounce of goodness in her, she will come and say maybe even if you don’t think it was her fault, but she will say — it was my fault, I’m sorry but the husband has to learn this technique of silence. And not make her silence with a frown and push her away.
Just a little extra sad puppy face here and there. You know, try it with your mom and see if it works and it will work the same with your wives also. But this is important. These are the etiquette of marriage.
You could yell at your spouse. You could say the harsh things. You know that the relationship is so fragile. This relationship as soon gets destroyed, what’s going to happen? Corruption in the society is going to happen. That’s what’s going to happen. Men are going to be not guarding their eyes anymore and other things are going to happen. Scandals are going to spread. This is how they spread from bad marriages. All the great tragedies that happen in the society that people don’t even want to talk about because they sound so disgusting.
Where did they start? They start from a husband not taking care of the wife and a wife not taking care of the husband.
Let’s try to be the best husbands and best wives, cherishing our precious emotions with care.
