Was I Lost Or Just Finding My Way?
How changing your perspective can make a world of difference
On my path of self-discovery, with a steely determination to find my soul’s purpose no matter what it takes, these past 15 years of my life have been spent on countless scavenger hunts, digging in every place conceivable for the answer.
I attended workshops after workshops, completed courses after courses, researched articles after articles, read books after books, listening to people who seemed to have found theirs, in the hope of finding the answer I seek.
Some days I am relentless, some days I feel defeated, other days I fall in a heap on the floor sobbing. It was a roller coaster ride for my emotions and mind, and this was a race that seemed to have no finish line in sight. When was this search ever going to end, with me finally finding the golden key to open my heart to its deepest longing?
At some point in this journey, I went from a state of searching to admitting that I may be well and truly lost, and this realization sent me into spirals of panic and despair.
Instead of the curiosity I set out on my journey with, my mind was now racked with fear, self-doubt, and even mild paranoia. What if I was NEVER going to find that elusive soul purpose that’s supposed to light me up in ways I couldn’t even imagine, making my life more full than a sack of potatoes? (I’m kidding, I don’t even like them.)
Recently, I chanced upon a quiz on female archetypes, and it revealed I was a Purpose Powerhouse. When I laid eyes on the words, I immediately felt something inside me shift, and I saw all the various pieces of my life quest whiz through time and click together like a giant jigsaw puzzle!🧩
I was awestruck by the simplicity yet potency of the two simple words which succinctly summed up what I have felt deep inside me all these years!
Definition of Powerhouse
1: a source of influence or inspiration
2: one having great power, such as one having a great drive, energy, or ability
So technically, the term Purpose Powerhouse can be defined as someone who has great power and drive to achieve their purpose.
Well, can you imagine my surprise at this newfound knowledge!
Imagine having all that power and drive without any idea of where to direct it towards! No wonder, my life has always been filled with a sense of urgency to discover my soul’s purpose, so that I can live in the highest expression of it and with my fullest potential. Without knowing it, I almost felt like my life cannot move on with grace, and I was stuck in this never-ending quest, trudging along with my weary body and soul.
Now, to be clear, at this point I still do not know exactly what my soul’s purpose is, but I do feel like a heavy burden has been lifted off my shoulders. This realization that seeking my purpose like a rocket-fueled explorer is actually part of my DNA and natural instinct has made me feel more at peace.
Understanding why I did what I did, searching relentlessly, failing and trying again, retreating into my shell, getting angry with God, feeling disappointed with myself, living with all these emotions of shame, hope, elation, and everything else in between, have further honed my survival skills on this difficult but interesting journey.
I am thankful I have finally reached this stage in my life. Where I can appreciate the process of profound healing and transformation of the search itself, rather than focusing only on the end goal and feeling helplessly lost and desperate at every turn.
That’s why I am now asking myself the same question, with a new level of awareness and deep reverence for my quest: “Am I truly lost, or am I just finding my way?”
The answer, it seems, is that I get to be the creator of my own reality and choose what I want to experience in every moment. For me, I solemnly vow to choose the latter, a perspective that imbues me with renewed vigor to continue this beautiful search for my soul’s purpose, whatever it may be, no matter how long it takes. Yes, I am finding my way. ❤️
Thank you for reading my story.💙
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