We Cannot Escape Our “Programming”
Our memories and experiences make us who we are.
I stress when the house isn’t clean. A fundamental fact that I know about myself. I can also be incredibly efficient at household tasks. I also get a panicky/stressed look on my face when I am intent on completing a task quickly; even if I don’t feel stressed. It's become a common joke around the office: “I’m not stressed. I’m focused.” Is the new catchphrase when we push to make deadlines. I can’t help the look, however, it's rooted in my muscle memory.
My father used to sit with his watch, timing me every night after dinner while I completed my chores. 3 minutes to sweep the floor. 5 minutes for the dishwasher to be packed. Another 5 for the washing up. 2 minutes to wipe benches and tables. If it wasn’t done, there was a flogging and the timer would start again. If it wasn’t done ‘properly’ another flogging, and the timer would start again. It didn’t take long until he no longer needed the timer.
It took me a long time to fully comprehend the impact of his methods. I can still feel the same conditioned responses today whenever my life gets chaotic. I take a minute and then notice that the house has dissolved. The programming sets in and I have to struggle against that need to clean the house myself according to a set routine and efficiency. I feel the…
