What Does It Feel Like To Be An Introvert?
Being an introvert is tough at times as not everyone understands our silence, they take our silence as ignorance, rudeness, ego, or high self-esteem whereas you are afraid to speak up your mind or you are very careful around people because you don’t want to hurt them.
You know, it sometimes sucks sitting still in a place full of life and motion, sitting alone in a corner of a room that is full of people. Being judged for your weirdness, being judged for your insecurities. Being a laughable stock for that cool, glam group. Being an introvert sometimes lead to dull nights of silent cries and no sleep, with that timid heart confined behind the bars of fear. Fear of being left out. Fear of people leaving. Fear of not experiencing life as one should. Fear of being alone.
I prefer to write and not speak. My words sound better coming from what I write rather than what I speak. I’m writing my own truths, my emotions, venting out what I feel through my writings, talking to myself, to alleviate my pain, all these thoughts inside my brain.
Before, I would attempt to be FAKE and be the bubbling energy source at parties or any social gatherings. I attempted to stay aware of others and their lives. I discovered that it wasn’t me. I physically and mentally tried to fit in with these situations. Presently, I fit out paying little attention to people’s opinion or what they say. They don’t live within my body. They won’t ever genuinely comprehend me the way that I comprehend myself.
Being my true introverted self and taking care within my tolerances brings me peace. I have reached a point in my life where I don’t feel the need to explain myself to anyone even if someone is spreading false information about me. You believed something you heard about me? Congratulations. Not my problem.
I don’t like birthdays, because it’s the one day everyone pretends that they care when they actually not. Superficial wishes, unwarranted attention makes my birthday miserable. On birthdays, I wish to be caged in a room, all alone rather than faking a smile to people around me. I wish the day just passes out just like any other normal day.
Guests at home? I will try my best to stay in a different room for as long as I could be. I’m more speechless when they say,
“Beta shaant baithe ho, kuch bolo.” (You are sitting very quiet, say something)
“Iski toh humne kabhi awaaz hi nhi sunni.” (We never heard her voice)
“Goongi hai kya?” (Are you deaf?)
And I’m there sitting like a dumb and smiling “hehehehe no” and from inside wanting them to kill. C’mon aunty, eat your samosa(Indian snack), have tea and leave. My voice is contagious I don’t want you to hear it.
I love putting headphones on and losing myself in the world of music. Music is my escape from everything. Music is like a best friend to me. While travelling or going on some trip, I might forget my toothbrush but not my earphones and phone charger.
I love going out to restaurants alone, eating myself all alone on that table, going to watch movies at the theatre alone, without giving a damn what people will think. Beyond doubt, people sometimes look at me with that sympathy eyes, bro let me chill by myself, I don’t need your falseness. I’m happy this way. It doesn’t mean that I don’t like people, I mean I don’t (some kind of people) but not everyone, you know. I intensely value a couple of friends I have.
I hate it when I have to fake myself during Group Discussions and Job Interviews as most of the recruiters looking for an extroverted outspoken humanitarian. There is no way I can escape from this situation, being fake or transforming myself into something different is the least I have to do.
Recently, one of my professor or say my mentor gave me a title tag of “Silent Scholar.” Did make me very happy. Being quiet and reserved doesn’t mean you can’t achieve things in life as many people think to be a successful leader you need to be an extrovert. But extroversion and introversion have nothing to do with being successful. Many successful leaders and entrepreneurs were introverts. Elon Musk has shared in an interview how he went from an introverted engineer to a successful entrepreneur. Similarly, Warren Buffet, Larry Page, Bill Gates, Mark Zukerberg, etc. were known to be typical introverts by nature. Your nature doesn’t predict failure or success. In fact, your success is determined by the risks or actions you take and not by who are you as a person.
At the end of the day, we live in our little space. That is the place where peace is.
Thanks for reading!
