What Happens When You Expect too much from People?
And how to tackle that feeling like a pro!
Well, for the starter, many times what we expect from people is not actually too much, it’s just who we are and our basic needs. Our needs define our expectations, and everyone has different ones. Humans have various needs, from the need of someone helping you in your work to the need to get some effort and affection in your relationship. Though today, we are talking about what happens when you expect too much from people in a relationship!
The first thing is pre-decided; you’re gonna get disappointed and hurt. The second thing it will lead to is the feeling of self-loathing as you may feel that it’s your fault that you expect from people. The third thing that would result is a feeling of dissatisfaction from your person and from the bonding you share. And lastly, it will create a conflict of interest and in many cases, you may overthink about your worth and question if the person is genuinely interested in you or finds you just convenient enough to have you in their life.
Disappointed and Hurtful Feelings
Imagine, you expect your loved one to call you as you have already been trying to connect, and we live in a reality so a hectic schedule is understandable. You try to understand their situation, but then after a point, you will expect to receive a call back even if it’s for 5 freaking minutes. You ask them to call you and they still don’t. Well, in such times, it will disappoint you, right?
It will bring the feelings that you are not important as no one’s that busy to not have 5 minutes even on a Sunday.
You gotta understand that you are not that important or have priority in their life as no one is that busy that they can live without talking to the person they care about.
It will hurt you in the beginning, but save you heartache later.
Though, I am not saying to reach that extreme directly. Try to talk out the issues with your partner, and ask them for their inputs and what you expect from them. But if the pattern remains a circle, leave my friend, for your own self.
The Ocean of Self-loathing
Self-loathing is the second step of unrequited expectations. When something you expected doesn’t happen, you may self-loathe thinking that why did you keep on expecting things from people that don’t have the intention to consider your expectations in the first place.
But that’s a terrible thing you are doing to yourself by contemplating on your own thoughts. Why would you punish yourself for something someone else didn’t do?
If you actually want to self-loathe, do it for the fact that you are doing self-loathing. You are precious, and someone not prioritizing you is not in your hands. You can give someone all the chances in the world, but if it is not coming from inside, is it even worth fighting for?
Soon, you will reach your threshold and even become reckless. That’s the thing with people that care too much for others and less for themselves.
Try giving the love and care you shower on others on you. That’s the currency worth spending on yourself first.
The Dissatisfaction Monster
You can ask someone for something once, twice, thrice, but even if then, they don’t seem to consider it, dissatisfaction is an obvious reaction. It starts with the things around you first, then with the feelings and situations, and lastly with the person you affection dearly.
Sometimes we live more in our mind than in the world, and that can make us expect things from people. Not all expectations are unreasonable like you want your person to spend quality time with you or praise or compliment you for the efforts you put in for dressing up for them, or wishing a sweet text occasionally when you wake up is not a bad thing.
I understand that you also want someone to understand you and at least meet you in the middle of the bridge and you don’t want to be the only one that crosses the bridge all along, every time. The best thing you can do is sit face to face with your partner and tell them all the things exactly as they are.
Make them understand where you’re coming from. Ask them why they don’t consider your feelings and wants. Their reaction will lead your future with them. If they show a total inability to give you at least a little of what you want, if it’s just in the words and nothing in action, sooner or later, your time with them is gonna end.
After all, life is too short to spend on people that don’t consider your happiness or don’t value you.
Conflict of Interest and Overthinking
Well, if you are already not satisfied with your relationship, conflict of interest is likely to arise, and sometimes you may overthink much worse. As humans, we are likely to assume the worst than the best. Though sometimes we also become over-optimistic about things thinking that it will work out for the best. But sometimes it doesn’t turn out as negative or positive as you may have assumed.
In a situation of conflict of interest, take a break from things, spend time with yourself. Make yourself the priority like the person you care about has made themselves a priority.
Not everything needs to have solutions and not all sentences have to end with a full stop. In life, many things don’t have any meaning and it’s alright.
Acceptance is the best medicine. Accept things as they are, don’t try to look for rays of hope or faults and loopholes. It will not lead you anywhere.
Just soak in and let it go if someone doesn’t want to hold you on. That’s the best you can do for yourself and your future. When we put it into practice, things become less hard than we expect. Everyone can do it and so can you sweetheart! Have faith in yourself and let your soul fly high and burden-free!
