What I Gained by Giving Up the Experience of a Lifetime
How a Single Non-event Changed My Life for the Better
Life has interesting ways to teach us its lessons. You never know which method it might use on you. The best we can do is accept it with a grain of salt and learn from it.
Chapter 1: The Backstory
Before I begin, there are a few things you should know about me. I am from a middle-class family in India, and I absolutely loved Hollywood movies from a young age. These movies gave me a small window into the western world and I wanted to explore it. Slowly but surely, it became my dream to experience life abroad. I wanted to see the world and meet people from different cultures.
I sincerely believe that every culture can teach you something of great value. And if you are in the company of like-minded people during your travels, then the memories you make will stay with you for a lifetime.
Travel is the best form of education.
Fast forward to the final year of my MBA (Masters in Business Administration). This is where I got the opportunity to go for international exchange, a three-month study abroad program. Our school had one of the best international exchange programs in India. Around 30% of every class got the opportunity to study in schools across the world. We were going to spend three full months in a country of our choosing. Usually, more than one student is sent to each partner school so that you will have at least one friendly face in the new country.
Chapter 2: The Dilemma
My mind was made up and I was all set to travel when one day I got a call from my family and they shared their doubts regarding my travel. I never expected my family, who had known how much this meant to me, to come out and say “maybe you shouldn’t go”. I was shocked. And sad. I never imagined I would get this call.
You probably remember that I am from a middle-class family. What that means is that luxury is not something we get to think about. And this trip qualified as a luxury. This trip was going to cost me more than half my tuition. I had also not secured a job at the time. And even though I did have a standing offer to return to my previous employer with a huge pay raise, I could potentially get an even higher-paying job if I stayed in India. (I did get a new job with a much bigger paycheck within a month after this incident). After weighing the pros and cons, my family felt that forgoing the exchange program was the better choice.
My opinion was different from theirs. I pointed out that I could add the travel and living expenses to my education loan, and I could pay that off in a few more years. And I could return to my previous employer if required. But most of all: I would not get this opportunity again. How often does one get to experience:-
Three months
+ New Country
+ New Cultures
+ College life
+ With friends
+ No responsibilities
= Experience of a Lifetime!
Chapter 3: The Decision
When I talked with my family, I could sense how distressed they were. They knew this trip meant a lot to me. It wouldn’t have been easy for them to tell me not to go. But they did so believing that was the best advice. And even though I also had the same concerns, I thought the risk was worth it. This experience would have been priceless and it’s not easy to replicate.
After thinking about this a lot, I finally decided to take my name off the exchange program. Normally I would not have taken this decision. And looking back now, I regret not going. I didn’t end up gaining anything by staying. And in my heart, I knew that I could deal with the outcomes. I just never realized how much my family’s opinion mattered to me. They mattered enough to make me forgo a once-in-a-lifetime experience.
So, what can you learn from this story?
- The people you are close to (especially those you hold dear) have a much stronger influence on your decisions than you realize. This is not necessarily a bad thing though. That would depend on your perspective.
- You should always test your risk appetite yourself. And find out if you can handle it on your own. You should not shy away just because your influencers tell you to.
- It is easy to put value on tangible things like money and objects. It is very difficult to put value on intangible things like time and experiences. It is also very subjective: you may value the same experience differently from your peers. You should never neglect these intangible things.
My 3-step approach to decision-making:-
I devised a simple 3-step guide on how to think when you have to make any important decision. I have used this for years and it always works for me. Whenever you face a dilemma on whether or not you should do something, ask yourself these questions:-
- Do I want to do this pretty badly?
- Is this my last opportunity?
- What could go wrong if I decide to go forward with this? Can I live with those results?
If for any of these questions, your answer is ‘No’, then let this go. Otherwise go for it, no matter the odds.
Cheers!
