What Is the Best Way to Handle Stress?
Turn anxiety into opportunity
It was the first time I wanted to build a Time Machine. I entered what should have been my new home but felt more like an abandoned construction site. Dust conquered every visible spot, yellowish stains occupied the cabinets, and wires popped off the outlet like a cartoon character’s eyes. The atmospheric pressure surged: the lease was signed, and the checks deposited.
How Stress Turns Into Addiction
Now and then, life is a leather-wearing bully, threatening our sense of worth and safety. In those moments of stress, we avoid the situation and distract ourselves with pleasure. We consume every dopamine-spiking substance in our way (TV, social media, food, porn, etc.).
Some are not aware of this pattern. Culture reaffirms the comfort response, from ice cream after a breakup to wine after a long workday. Those people never get to confront challenges (at least emotionally) and consequently never grow.
Some are aware of this pattern and wish to cease it. Those wield discipline in the fight against lust. Although it may succeed a few times, they inevitably burn out and gorge. They are a tormented group; shame whispers in their ear and reopens old wounds.
A Way Out
The way out begins by positioning a magnifying glass against the formation of stress:
When a negative situation occurs, a part of our psyche is responsible for processing it. If that part becomes overloaded, it relieves pressure by spreading it across the self. Out breathing shallows, our eyesight stiffens, and our sensitization spikes. The psyche panics to extinguish the fire—which it does by over-indulging.
By analyzing this procedure, we can inquire about a remedy. In our case, the healthiest solution is to increase our capacity to process incoming situations—which we sometimes call emotional resilience. To that end, we can deduct an insight from physiology: a stressed muscle will later strengthen. Thus, we must not remove the strain by over-consuming. Instead, we should hold the tension with the same belief we have at the gym: we will grow stronger.
Tools for Growth
Change “Catastrophe” to “Opportunity”
We confuse our feelings for truth, and the imagined disaster morphs tangible and imminent. All future possibilities evaporate, and we watch as time marches us closer to extinction.
Reality is more spacious than we can ever conceive. We can shift our mindset from the claustrophobia of survival to the freedom of confidence. Our terminology influences our reaction. Listen to your words and, like correcting a lane, veer from “catastrophe” to “opportunity.”
Resuscitate Imagination
Anxiety shrinks the future and kills the imagination. Like other stress responses, it forces us to squint at the threat ahead. While this helps when avoiding an oncoming car, it interferes when considering the next step after a layoff.
We fixate on an imaginary calamity and lose sight of the abundant alternative scenarios. Recognizing this phenomenon is crucial, for we illuminate where darkness once reigned and thus free ourselves from its tyranny. Pause to revive imagination. We can take action that will change the outcome; we will adapt to every situation; we will be okay, no matter what.
Soothe the Inner Child
We all know the temptation for comfort and distraction. Yet, such a human experience has such a negative individualistic judgment. It is us, as individuals, who are “weak” and “stupid.”
But shame only results in more stress and compensation—a nasty downward spiral. We need empathy. Life is hard. The people who loved us most did not prepare us for it. Love was given and taken for ambiguous periods. Defense mechanisms arose on the scar tissue of our past wounds.
In the depth of our subconscious lies a fearful, bewildered child. Faced with adversity, he closes his eyes and shuts his ears. Get closer, let him pour his fears, caress his hair, and whisper to him every so gently that everything will be okay.
It Is the Response that Counts
We will be wise to take a lesson from the seasons: the melancholy of winter blooms into the cheer of spring, which turns into the excitement of summer, which then descends into the lethargy of autumn. Each season has its time and place; each an experience, neither good nor bad, but a part of a perfect whole.
Healing from anxiety does not mean not feeling it anymore but that we respond in a compassionate, constructive manner. From that lens, stress becomes a catalyst for actualization and adventure—the two things that make us feel alive.
Originally published at https://thedeepsphere.com on September 12, 2023.
