What No One Tells You About Long Distance Relationships
When I initially considered pursuing a double degree and studying abroad, my goals were clear: achieve an excellent grade and fully immerse myself in university life. I didn’t anticipate finding a profound romantic connection with the loveliest person I have ever known.
Looking back, I’m beyond grateful for the particular time we shared together. Our story began in the Netherlands during our undergraduate years; she was a freshman, and I was in my third year. We lived in the same dormitory, and I first saw her while she was walking in front of our building as I was smoking a cigarette with friends. We started as an acquaintance and soon turned into a close friend. We spent nearly every day together, and eventually, I asked her to be my girlfriend. She hesitated at first, aware that my graduation would soon lead me back to my home country. I promised her that I would wait until she was ready, and after some time, she chose to be with me.
I remember it all too well when I had to say goodbye to her; it was heart-wrenching. I cried throughout the flight home. The challenge of maintaining a long-distance relationship spanning over 11.250 kilometers and across different time zones. Many people asked how it affected me and how to keep it going. I sought advice from various sources: videos, blogs, and articles about managing a long-distance relationship. Because of that, I discovered that many people discuss communication, compassion, and comprehension as the key. I mean, it is accurate, and they also spoke about different time zones, which can lead to sleep deprivation and other impacts on either mental health or physical health.
As time passed, we eventually ended our relationship despite our efforts. The breakup was sorrowful, but we parted on good terms, which actually made it harder to move on. Reflecting on almost a year of long-distance relationships, I have recognized these aspects that are often overlooked, and people do not talk about.
The long-term effects of constant digital communication. Indeed, technology allows couples to stay connected; they can easily maintain their relationship through texts, video calls, and social media, but all of those things can also lead to digital fatigue. The constant need to be online can create burnout or even anxiety when messages are not promptly responded to, leading to misunderstanding and increased stress. This is one of the reasons we broke up. She does not like using her phone often; she prefers doing more activities outside.
Lack of Physical Presence is a factor in overreliance on verbal communication. It makes it hard to read nonverbal actions, which is crucial in understanding each other's emotions and intentions. This results in a sense of emotional distance from your partner.
The Level of Busyness and Differing Daily Schedules. When one or both partners have demanding schedules, whether for studies, work, or a project and personal commitment, making a meaningful connection cannot be easy. When I first started my long-distance relationship, I had just graduated and had nothing to do; I was basically unemployed. Meanwhile, my ex-girlfriend is a student with projects, exams, tasks, and a part-time job.
This mismatch in availability can create a sense of imbalance. That situation made me feel neglected and frustrated. We argued a lot at that time because of that situation. I felt like this was just a one-sided effort to maintain the relationship; I felt like I was the one who matched her schedule.
Sometimes, when we were busy, our limited time together might be filled with stress or exhaustion, making it harder to have meaningful, relaxed conversations. This can reduce the quality of interactions and make it harder to maintain emotional closeness.
When I was in that situation, I took a moment to reflect on myself, and I realized that it was not a one-sided effort. My ex-girlfriend also put in a lot of effort; for example, she always video-called me every morning before she went to do her activity, and she called me during her break time, even after her shift. I don’t know why I was so blind at that time.
We finally talked through it, and I looked for an activity I could do, such as doing my hobby, joining a course, volunteering for a social activity, basically anything to keep myself busy. I believe having the same activity level as your partner and balancing your schedule is essential.
The last thing is Financial Strain. People always talk about giving your partner a gift, planning your travel time together, and visiting each other regularly. But what about the cost of travel, shipping, and gifts?
This financial burden can cause additional stress, especially if one partner is more financially stable than the other, potentially leading to feelings of guilt or resentment.
In my case, we don’t have much to do that often, but we did it occasionally when we had spare money. The fact that we were dealing with different currencies made things even more complicated. We had to be mindful of how much we spent and ensure it didn’t put too much pressure on either of us.
“Separation is not the end of love; It creates love.” –Nancy Friday
My long-distance relationship taught me so much; even though our relationship ended, I Learned the importance of self-care, balancing personal life, and understanding each other’s needs. For anyone in a similar situation, remember to be patient, communicate openly, and prioritize your well-being. Whether you stay together or not, these experiences will help you grow and understand what you truly need in a relationship.
Hey, Readers, I’m curious about how long-distance relationships are for you. Drop your thoughts in the comment section, and let’s discuss!
