What Science Says About Authenticity In Dating
A Study Review: Authenticity Promotes Secure Relationships
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A lot changed for me in dating and relationships when I stopped trying to be someone I wasn’t, and started championing me.
Low self-esteem is a killer, not just for our overall mental and physical well-being but for dating success overall. It pushes us to look for validation rather than true compatibility; it leaves us boundary-less and at a greater risk of feeling like we need to shape-shift into what we think others want us to be.
The triad described above: searching for validation, having low boundaries, and being unable to be yourself, is — in my opinion — the most toxic mindset we can have when dating. They also feed a negative feedback loop that dampens our self-belief and lowers our self-esteem.
Unfortunately, this low self-esteem also means we’d rather accept something than nothing, which makes us prone to matching with people who don’t treat us too well (as we may not believe we deserve any better).
Furthermore, I see many people target their potential mates when trying to navigate dating better and whilst we do need to be conscious of who we are choosing, we also need to look in the mirror. We’ll attract what we are, and transformational change occurs when…
