ILLUMINATION
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ILLUMINATION

What to do if everyone around you is a NARCISSIST

My life has been kind of lonely. From being a little girl and having to struggle to be understood and having people around me playing smart, all knowing and over-domineering to being the Golden Child and the first one in my class, and gossiped or envied, and now being the jobless loser, I feel that I have always struggled with some level of self-distrust and anxiety which either made me overly people pleasing and victim of narcissistic female friends who got me into trouble or of narcissistic anxious men for whom I was too much and whom tried to put me down in a covert way. Family wise I have been put under the lens my whole life, critiqued by my mother, bullied by my cousin and dominated emotionally, I finally come to the problem of meeting other artists and collaborators which are over egotistical and who either seek validation from me or ghost me. Over patronizing people in the studios I couldn’t adapt in or professors which troubled me and whom kept me in some sort of inferiority. Basically I haven’t actually had emotional support my whole life and even if I am reaching into online groups I still end up alone somehow.

I cannot be my own person for too long but I can’t seem to really vibe with someone until something derails the interactions and I feel that I am surrounded mostly by narcissists. Even my Facebook list is filled with them.

Secretly laughing at my post and engaging little or not at all with them. Most of them, whom I don’t even know belittle me or despisefully insert the almighty “:))” emoji and make me the crazy one. A lot of gaslight and this made me wonder: What should I do if I am surrounded only by narcs and have my life compromised?

I started to watch videos about narcissism on youtube and I strongly resonated with everything the psychologists like Lisa Romano, Richard Grannon, Jerry Wise, Dr. Ramani, Ross Rosenberg, and more and more psychologists who basically say the same thing: if you struggle with narcissistic personalities around you, you are going to have a hard time getting a life of your own and truly healing. I have wondered if I am the narcissist and come to the conclusion that I am not, after a lot of self-doubt, I still recognize that those patterns aren’t my own…at least trying to dominate people emotionally isn’t something that I would do and even if sometimes I feel the anger that I could smash someone’s head for making me feel that level of pain, I still can recognize that all I want is to heal, and for them to heal actually. Something which a narc isn’t inclined to do is to recognize they have a problem and that they need healing. Let alone own their shadow or their full behavior towards you, in fact they believe it’s quite justified and required for them to behave like that. Belittlement, covert or overt humiliation, even if they don’t use the “Bad guys” like dirty words or physical violence, that hatred towards you is there and is not in your head or your projection as they would imply, and every codependent out there knows that this is real, a narcissist hatred towards you is real and is there, even if unrecognized.

So what do you need to do if your world is filled with narcs?

I believe that the only way is to detach from every role. From everyone.

Cause even if they play friendly, you know you are only programmed into more obedience and submission to the status quo. You are supposed to be the mediocre, the one who is food for those who are “the best”, you are supposed to be helped only to a certain degree and most of all, you are supposed to be grateful even if you know that the people who want this from you, or whom are pissed off for you being ungrateful, actually hurt you so much. Maybe narcissists helped you but the level of hurt is there too, the emotional abuse was real. So what should you do? Deny it forever or really move on?

Declare your freedom in front of the people who abandon you, who block you, who cancel you, who shadow ban you, who place seals and alter your reality, who keep their words and promises in society through keeping you tied up and sacrificed, don’t be the sacrificed lamb, spead your wings and fly. Realise that They are nothing without rejecting you, they have no preferences, they have no Soul of their own unless they steal yours. They aren’t the almighty powerful Correct Person who is wrongdone by you and whom must teach you a lesson…

No. Not at all…They are broken individuals who keep their energy in place by Imposing their Rejective behaviors onto you. They are nothing without your Pain. Realise that.

Cut all the connections with every person who is even 1% narcissistic and take your life back. Listen to that heart of yours once and for all without being afraid of being put into an asylum, or abandoned by everyone, or even ending up alone all of your life, IT DOESN’T MATTER!, all that matters is that you find your freedom again. That’s all that your Soul needs before your life can become better.

Today I am saying ADIOS to all the narcissists in my life, all of them, they have made my life a lie, I have been a slave to people pleasing them, but today I am taking my power back! Adios! I cried enough for you, I had white nights enough because of you, I have loved and cherrished you enough only to receive alienation and intransigence in return from you, I have held space for you enough times only to receive your awful subliminals in return, I have granted you enough compassion only to receive indignation and distrust in return, I have validated ALL of you enough only to receive invalidation and strife in return and finally I have struggled so much to be the best only to receive a mediocre place in society.

Today I am done and gone. Out of your life narcissists and you are out of mine. I bring you before God with unconditional love and forgiveness and may you be loved and cherrished enough so that your narcissistic EGO can really be satisfied. Cause you have never was with me and only blamed and shamed me even if my heart was pure, I ended up being your shadow…

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