What To Do When You Don’t Know What To Do — The Honest Edition
What the productivity gurus don’t tell you.
We’ve got all these online gurus and productivity experts telling us that we need to go out and seize the day, build an empire in our spare time, sleep productively, drink enough water, exercise at least 3 times a week, get enough sunshine, text everyone back, follow a strict regimen to reach our goals and wake up at 5:30 in the morning if we ever truly want to make something out of our silly little lives.
But honestly — we don’t have enough people telling us to calm the f down and just relax for a second. Seriously, I find this toxic productivity and overt hustle culture to be extremely destructive, causing major anxiety as it instils the feeling that we constantly need to be doing something.
So in case you needed to hear this today, let me be the one to tell you:
Relax. Chill. Put your feet up. Go binge-watch that Netflix show. Stare blankly at the ceiling for 3 hours. Stay in bed the whole weekend.
Treat yo’self.
Now you may be thinking these words are coming from someone who’s had it. Someone who is bitter and tired and has given up on their dreams and goals and aspirations.
But I beg to differ.
If one thing is true, it’s the first part — I’ve really had it with this hustle culture, hashtag bossbabe, empire-in-your-spare-time mania, working 14 hours a day, I’ll sleep when I’m dead. I value my sleep, thank you very much. I think many of us, including myself, have fallen into this trap of some form of productivity psychosis where we feel guilty for doing something that is innate to the human experience: and that is to simply do nothing at times.
The Italians got it right — they even have a term for this: “La Dolce Far Niente” which translates into “the sweetness of doing nothing”.
That terrible concoction of feeling pressured, stuck and miserable
If you are someone who has a set of goals and ambitions, as well as rather clear perspective of where you are now and where you want to be, you will be familiar with that immense feeling of pressure that you need to do something right now to change your current state. After all, how can we expect for things to be better in the future if we don’t act on it today? This pressure may be so paralyzing that you cannot even animate yourself to get started. You are suddenly blocked by an immense inertia — you simply don’t have the strength to move and make a first step. Eventually, you feel lost and just don’t know what to do all together. So you end up scrolling on your phone the whole weekend, feeling terrible Sunday night blues and hate yourself for wasting away.
Overcoming the inertia that prevents you from starting
As I write this, I reflect on my own life and from personal experience to determine when I was happily productive and when I was simply feeling stuck, paralyzed and not knowing what to do.
What I learned was this:
Do nothing for some time and don’t feel guilty about it — and do it consciously
As already mentioned above, sometimes you just have to do nothing in particular. Now what’s the difference between scrolling on your phone the whole day and the “doing nothing in particular” that I am talking about here. The key I’ve learned is that you need to do this consciously. If you do la dolce far niente and enjoy the sweetness of doing nothing, you need to do it mindfully and consciously. You decide and reflect on what and why you are doing what you are doing right now.
In times when I am completely overwhelmed by the life I want to achieve and all the million steps that it takes to get there, I take some time off to do absolutely nothing — mindfully. The first days feel quite anxious, but I feel that it helps a lot when you are comfortable with “simply being”. I know this may sound strange but we need to relearn to be still. All ancient philosophies talk about this inner stillness, and reconnecting with the inner self. Doing nothing allows time for self-reflection, observing your thoughts and understanding yourself more. Simply said, the mind needs rest. If you have a day job and do your own projects at night, at one point you just need to take a break. And yes, this break from your personal goals can last more than a few days.
Do things that bring enjoyment and happiness — and do it with gratitude
If you are feeling stuck with so many things to do in relation to your “life goals”, take a step back and give yourself time to do things that you enjoy. The key I have found here is to be consciously grateful for having the opportunity to enjoy these things. Take photographs, read that book, learn that new piano piece, go for walks, play with your pet, do that movie marathon. I often take breaks from my to do lists by doing enjoyable things as this helps me free my head. I got so many new, great ideas when I was not neurotically trying to force them into existence.
Set yourself a time to start again — mindfully
Obviously, you can’t just do nothing forever and live life like it is one big party without any responsibilities. If I have these breaks of doing nothing or solely focusing on things that spark joy, I mentally set myself a time of when I will start to work again on the goals I wish to achieve.
Do one thing at a time
As a firm believer of multi-tasking and as person with too many interests, I didn’t want this to be true. For the longest time, I thought I can do the impossible and run multiple marathons at the same time, as if I had Hermione’s time turner or some way to live in multiple universes. At one point, I realized that I want too many things at the same time. I wanted to put up a business, become a better photographer, a better artist, a better writer — and I wanted to see growth in all these areas, all at the same time and at the same speed.
But something made me realize that it is not sustainable and actually slows you down. What converted me to accepting that doing one thing at a time was the way to go was when the most beautiful thing happened: I actually finished something. I reached the finish line with one of my projects.
In 2019, my sister and I had this grand idea of creating a travel book that is designed in a journaling aesthetic, meant to combine our fascination for travel and the desire to document our lives. In one year, it was done and The Long Weekend Travel Journal was born (if you want to know what it is, you can check it out here.)
In less than 12 months, I churned out a 40,000-word manuscript covering over 20 destinations around the world, and I wrote that thing as if possessed by an ancient explorer or cartographer. I researched, wrote, fact-checked, researched, wrote, fact-checked, edited, edited, edited all day long. I took the lead in its creative direction and branding as well, as my sister had a full-time job, and we finished a 250-page book in one year.
… Then corona hit and we had to put the launch on hold. After all, selling a travel book at this time would probably not have been a wild success. Oh well.
But still. I finished something. And that feeling — it was one of the most beautiful moments in my life.
This was what convinced me that it is truly best to focus on one thing at a time, and I strongly recommend this way of thinking to as many people as possible.
In closing
If you’re feeling stuck and you don’t know what to do, don’t feel bad. It’s part of the human experience. Take your time to self-reflect, enjoy, and do nothing in particular. Take the time your mind and body needs to rest and recover. Remember to be conscious, grateful and mindful. And if you’re ready, go out there and do your thing!
