When I see Myself - look like I’ve died

Image by Med Ahabchane from Pixabay

I look me once
I look me twice

When I see myself
Look like I dice

I show my lies
that’s not my choice

Wanna show some nice
that all are hide

But let me know
who are here bright

I wanna see
who’s clear inside

I look me once
I look me twice

When I see myself
look like I’ve died

And in their world
I fake my smile

My screaming says
I need my life

how little one laugh
how little does smile
that’s what I needed,
was that paradise

I wish to lived
but now I’ve died!

This whatever words were written by me.

Not by my choice but I lived a life what had not chosen by me:

It was two years back of my life, I was living with false imagination that life only had a name of love & happiness. Sure, it is not. I discovered this two years back.

It was not a fault of me, it was my family. Why they always used to teach me that life has a name of giving love, spread and accepting. And, if you do you’d find all in return. I was a child, learning what they were teaching me and unfortunately It had become my strong believe.

I walked through the same path what had been taught. I had just two reasons of love for anyone, “I do — I will keep doing”.

From the childhood to the adulthood I did the same. Whenever I used to meet people, friends and with family I would give love, spread and accept without being thinking whatever comes in return. Honestly saying I never found the same in return what I gave to everyone.

Later, I questioned to my family, did you teach me a wrong lesson? — I did the same what you told but never found anything in return. Did this only my duty to give, spread and accept?.

They said — yes, it is yours. You’ve chosen. Hardly, people, you’ll find in this world who could walk on this path. what people have been doing for long is not important what you have done and doing is something else and that’s what makes you different.

Whatever those words were of my parents gave me liveliness again and I kept this going. But may be life had planned something different to taught me.

Even though I used to give, spread and accept heartily but sudden the moment came and it was different. I met some of those, those were closest to me I felt in my entire life— where I went far away for this lesson give, spread and accept and where I had the strong believe to find definitely something, at least something in return. Apparently it happened for some of days but spiritually it was different, Moreover, it was worst and painful, horrific and whatever . Even I learned, the closest or special ones can’t give you the return.

The day I lost the believed to give, spread and accept — The day I wrote the words which you have read above in my story.

The meanings here does not end but definitely I’ve stopped to spread this lesson to everywhere. What my parents taught, it doesn’t mean that was wrong, but where I applied this, to — give, spread and accept, the era was wrong.

Don’t worry I’ve end up this with Happy Ending — recently but I after too many experiences, when I finally stopped thinking of — return, I’ve been seeing good people around me, not so many but who exactly like me, they believe to give, spread and accept lesson and they do and I’ve started to walk through this path again because I THINK, It might be possible I’ve entered in right era and hope it would be great. And, sure I am not looking forward any — return.

Thank you.

farrukhjamal33@gmail.com