When Love Comes Calling
(An ode to the sweet Divine Mother who loves us unconditionally. The following is a narrative of the start of a spiritual love journey of yours truly. A journey I did not know that I will embark upon ever since we never consider Spiritual Wealth as wealth. All Hail to our wonderful Guru, and Mother Divine.)
It was a subtle awakening with a sound as sweet as a melodic cuckoo during summer.
During the cold winter nights of my life, I had tried to bring some warmth to my soul by cuddling with myself in thick blankets, imagining getting to cuddle someone for real someday.
Life had been full of conflicts, love, and happiness that I had been looking for as a human being, but was not to be found in any of the relationships that I had been in. Not that it was anyone’s fault. But for some reason, I always fell out of love faster than I fell in love with someone. It was tough, this wavy graph of my love life.
My mother always thought I was difficult to manage, and all I responded to that was, ‘Tell me about it!’ The most difficulty anyone has ever had in managing myself was my own self. Oh! The amount of contradiction my personality still exudes tends to bend towards alarming. At times, even work people stayed eons away from me, thinking I had major commitment issues. I probably had; I do not know.
Probably the kind of love I was looking for was not to be had in the mortal world.
It was the kind of love that was many layers above the general human perception of love. Or probably I was too idealistic, even when it came to commitment — such ideals that were difficult for even me to follow.
Everyone around me got partners to spend the rest of their lives with. Some were happy with each other, some were miserable. Some were happy and miserable both. Everyone had their choice of lollies, seemed like only I didn’t have a partner to make myself miserable with, let alone happy.
For 35 long years, the need to date, marry, and have a romantic partner to cuddle remained of utmost importance. But there was something crazy going on. Nothing, or no one, was sticking. I mean, not even one relationship was able to sustain itself, even when both parties put in the effort. In a couple of months’ time, the fire doused itself rather naturally. Disinterest. Irritation. Fights. Feeling that I deserve better. All came rushing back every time any relationship crossed the 2 months time limit. Half the time, I dumped others, and the remaining, I got dumped. Perhaps people were right, I had commitment issues.
I didn’t know what to do. I consulted astrologers, who were as clueless as I was. I cried myself to sleep every night, alone, wondering when will there be my summer, when the cold, torturous nights of my loneliness end. When will my perfect love story start?
That day was a normal day like any other. To ease my soul of the constant pressure of boredom and loneliness, I went to be in the company of books.
The bookstore was filled with stories of many kinds — but mainly love stories. Some were successful love stories, and others were unsuccessful love stories. Rarely was there a book on stories about people falling out of love. No one fell out of love, except myself, repeatedly.
An aisle interested me. It was about God. I decided to look for a book on Lord Shiva, my favorite. My countless prayers of finding love were delivered to Him day and night. It was said that He was the innocent one, He listened to the prayers quicker than most and fulfilled them kindly.
From amongst the countless books, one book stood out with a big picture of Lord Shiva on its cover. The blue cover seemed to match the blue of my life. Perhaps He can tell me something about the immortal, idealistic love. As if responding to the thought, my eyes were suddenly guided to another book lying on the same shelf. Bright orange was the cover, also with a different kind of Lord Shiva picture. My heart felt nothing, but my eyes! Well, my eyes could not leave the orange book alone. The blue cover went back on the shelf, and the orange cover came to my hands. It was by an author I had never, ever heard about. His name sounded like he was a spiritual Guru. A sanyasi.
It was an unseen, unexplainable force that made me buy the orange book. As if this was due for many, many lifetimes. The pull was magnetic. As if it was a closed door behind which the spring of my life lay. As I walked back home, I tried to peek in through the door, giving the book a little read as I walked and saw a glimpse of a beautiful garden with breathtaking roses. I closed the book, taking in the fragrance that made my cheeks blush red as a rose.
The book was indeed the door to spring. As I read it, there were many other flowers as well, also a tiny brook that flowed, and small, gorgeous butterflies fluttered in the fragrant air. It began the spring of my life, all right, and spring comes before the summer, doesn’t it?
The author spoke directly to me, talking about life, love, and about devotion to Mother Divine. I took dips in the little stream of love and spirituality and drenched myself in unknown, new-found ecstasy. Who was He? He was my Guru for the millionth birth. I was looking for love, I had found Him. Probably the exact kind of ecstatic, idealistic love I was looking for. Date nights were all about me reading his books, finding the smallest secrets that Nature was happy to open to me. Why humans are like they are? Why is there no good and bad, but only good and good? And the most beautiful knowledge that He passed on is how Mother Divine is!
And I fell in love. Mother Divine was indescribable. It was impossible for humans to be able to understand the ecstatic state Mother Divine puts a person in, a person She chooses.
Gradually, over a period of months, my Guru worked as a matchmaker. He would often talk about Her in the most beautiful way, making Her extremely real for everyone who would listen. He had met her in person, several times — such was the fire of His intense penance! And such was the fire of His intense penance, that He could introduce Mother Divine, Maa Ambika, to others as well simply through His words. It was pure amrita, the nectar of life, and of love.
Cold, winter nights disappeared from my life, as Mother Divine lulled me to sleep every night. She woke me up every morning, with the help of my Guru.
I once requested to see Him in person, meet Him, and talk to Him. My Guru lived very far away; I didn’t even know how to reach that place nestled amongst the Himalayas.
But why was I even worried?
Mother Divine set up my meeting with Him. I put the cold winter of my life at the holy feet of my Guru who had brought in the warm, gorgeous summer. My Guru spoke of Mother Divine. I couldn’t see the difference between Him and Her.
Was it not the love I was always looking for? It, indeed, was! The journey continues.
