When No One Understands Why You Are With Someone
Everybody tells me I shouldn’t be with him, but my heart says otherwise — tips on how to deal with people’s opinions.
Recently, I have gotten into a relationship with a difference. If you read my articles, then you will know, but here goes.
We met at a mental clinic. (I know what you are thinking already — something along the lines “are you sure you want to date this guy?”)
So now I am out of the mental clinic and he is still in rehab, no one understands why I am with him. My friends and family have great concern, but I frankly am sticking to what my heart says.
Here is how to survive when no one understands why you are with someone because:
“People don’t always need advice. Sometimes all they really need is a hand to hold, an ear to listen, and a heart to understand them.” — Unknown
Do what is right for you
Foremost, nobody knows what is best for you other than yourself.
Ever heard of this? Well, I believe it! I think we all want to think that we know what is best for somebody else where actually, the person only knows themselves best.
So the other day my friend came over to make brownies, but she had just found out that her boyfriend was cheating. It ended up with me baking the brownies and her just drowning me with her problems.
After nearly four hours of speaking, she said to me, “Why don’t you tell me any advice? Why won’t you tell me what to do?”
I responded:
“No matter what I tell you to do, you are going to do what you want to do, anyway.”
It’s true though, right? Have you ever been in such a dialogue or situation with a friend where you pour your heart out to them and expect them to take everything on board what you are telling them? Me too. I am done with that shit.
So instead, I stayed silent… with the odd question here and there.
She commented I ask her to give me the answer (I mean; I am a coach after all!).
So you see — she went back to him and that was it. I knew this was going to happen anyway, but the aim of this story is that you will always do what is right for you, no matter what anyone tells you. Just stay true to yourself.
Listen and take it in
So back to my current story — I am listening and taking in what people say as they are close to me and I love them all very much.
First, I have my sister and best friend who thinks this relationship might be too much for me and my mental state right now. They believe I should be with someone who is going to bring me up all the time and for a relationship to be rainbows and ice cream.
Sorry to break it to them, but no relationship is perfect.
I see this relationship as tainted, not imperfect. I see it as tainted because of both of our mental health issues. Unfortunately, both as sufferers from depression, we will be down on some days but that isn’t to mean that the other person will attempt to bring us up.
One day, he is off. The next day I am. That is just the way it goes, and I am coming to accept it. The best thing and probably most important, is that on my off days he cheers me up (which he tries to do, bless him).
Nobody is going to know your relationship as well as you do.
So that is why I advise to listen and take in advice from loved ones, but don’t act on it if you don’t need to.
Don’t get offended
Ok, so when people are giving you advice or trying to tell you what to do, you get offended — it is only natural.
We think we can do everything alone sometimes, but it is not true. As humans, we crave connection and sought the feeling of being understood.
Therefore, don’t push the people away who care about you and your future. Rather, tell them you will listen but not take action on it.
Some good ways to practice not getting offended that have worked for me include:
- Laughing
- Breathing deeply
- Counting to ten
I remember I did all three things last time I got offended because I couldn’t handle it! Basically, a guy was telling me I should be hairless on my face because I am a woman. Disgrace, right?!
I was fuming. He was purposefully prodding at me to get me going because I have a moustache (I am proud of!) and he wanted it to be gone. Anyway, that is a story for a different day…!
The point here I want to make is that people are going to tell you what to do, and that is OK — there is no need to get offended.
The takeaway
When no one understands why you are with someone, remember these three things:
- Try not to get offended
- Listen and take it in
- Do what is right for you — stay true!
Hope this helps — I know for me it is a rollercoaster of emotions when trying to listen to people I love to tell me I shouldn’t be with someone I love, but that is the way it goes because people only want what is best for you.
