When Self-Care Takes a Backseat
Recognizing the Strain of Giving Too Much
It is a sad reality that self-care often takes a backseat in a world full of people who want to please others just to be liked and create strong bonds.
People pity themselves if they are not enjoying time with friends, but do we realize how being alone could also be beneficial?
I thought about it because I can say that I’m a people pleaser and often do what others like so they will want to be friends with me.
Realizing this has led me to gradually lessen that side of myself and start learning from it.
I no longer force myself to talk with people who don’t want to engage in conversation with me or make plans with those who don’t wish to spend time with me. I no longer frequently message them to ask if they want to chat.
Being alone or with one or two people with whom I have genuine connections is already enough for me.
This story is not just here to share my point of view and the lessons I’m applying, but also to share what prompted me to fix them when I noticed that my self-care was taking a backseat.
Giving is essential, but doing so excessively to please others without taking care of oneself can be harmful.
Things that made me realize I’m overextending myself:
I became more tired physically and stopped doing things that were once enjoyable for me, even though I wasn’t doing much.
I was neglecting my physical health. While doing something, I immediately respond to notifications to be there for others. If they messaged me late at night, I would still talk to them even though I already felt sleepy and tired.
My anxiety and depression worsened due to emotional burnout. Friends who repeatedly ranted about the same issues made me put in the same effort repeatedly. I felt it needed to be continuous so the person wouldn’t feel ignored or invalidated.
I started having difficulties with remembering things, maintaining focus, and processing information quickly due to anxiety, poor sleep quality, and stress from absorbing and learning too much from other people’s stories.
I avoided social interactions because I felt like I had already spent a lot of time with people, but in reality, it was just online.
Getting back on track was not an easy journey.
I felt anxious about losing bonds with people because I was starting to change my ways.
Reclaiming self-care in relationships wasn't easy for me at first. But as I got used to it, I saw who cared for me without me having to reach out first.
So, what changes did I make?
Setting My Downtime:
I established limits on my time and energy by setting boundaries and dedicating time to myself.
I reclaimed my time by watching what I love, which gives me peace before ending my day.
Writing is already part of me, so I included it in my downtime. Whether I write a new topic or add to my drafts, it is productive and gives me a clear mind as I analyze the topics I'm interested in.
Practicing Mindfulness:
Since college, I have loved listening to instrumental music for studying, writing, and even the sounds of nature or rain.
I’m glad I got back to this! I listen to these playlists while resting, breathing, and just being present. This could be outside with nature, watching people in their worlds, or lying in bed.
The steps I took to reclaim my self-care might work for me but not for everyone, and that's okay.
We all have different ways of fixing ourselves day by day.
In the end, taking back my self-care has been a journey of rediscovery and balance.
I have learned that true relationships thrive not on constant sacrifice but on mutual respect and understanding.
By focusing on my well-being, I take care of myself and develop stronger, more genuine relationships.
This experience has shown me that the important thing is not the amount you give, but balancing giving with self-care, which leads to a more satisfying and balanced life.
