ILLUMINATION
Published in

ILLUMINATION

Where It All Began; Destruction Of My Addiction

Chapter 3 of the “Closing The Gap” Series

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By now, it doesn’t seem difficult to understand the origin of my problems with ghosting. However I still wanted to present a backstory that dug heavy into the deep details, when it comes to my addiction, mental health, my actions, the actions (ghosting) done by others, and all the dark seeded emotions and feelings.

I’ve done endless dirt to many loved one around me back during the times that my addiction was active. However traditionally speaking, even with doing all kinds of terrible things to others doesn’t necessarily make ghosting happen right away. Loved ones often give chance after chance after chance. So to be ghosted by people like that, makes pretty clear sense.

Burning bridges is the easiest way to get a one way ticket to being ghosted. By the time that happens, it is often too late, to bring a silent loved one, back into a relationship.

My addiction destroyed myself as well as others too.

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When I first became actively addicted, I still had money and financial resources. So for a while, it was a bit easy to hide. Still had money, still had my own things to sell. And it is wasn’t until I end up with nothing left, that I become the con artist, the thief, the guy that always seems to have a story, as to why borrowing money was the alleged necessity. There was always, a phony financial emergency.

It was seemingly the perfect set up for people to ghost me. I asked for it, I had it coming, and if only I had asked for help a long time ago, maybe I could have avoided a lot of the pain that many felt at my hands. However when you are deep seeded into a disease like addiction, it’s not something that we can simply get over, by using strong willpower. If that were the case, then every addict would get clean.

I was a massive liar, as well as a thief. My word became nothing, I could not be depended on for anything. No matter what job I had, and no matter how good of a career it was, I never could hold onto any type of work. As long as there was an active addiction happening, no commitment or responsibility of mine, could be kept. I hid my issues from my doctor, I isolated, and if I was on a drug like cocaine, I could never shut the hell up. I would be awake for several days in a row. And hallucinate and hear things that weren’t really there.

Do you see, why I ‘ve been ghosted, a thousand times over?

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MICHAEL PATANELLA

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Michael Patanella

Michael Patanella

Author, Publisher, and Editor. I cover mindfulness, mental health, addiction, sobriety, life, and spirituality among other things. MichaelPatanella.medium.com