ILLUMINATION
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ILLUMINATION

While You Are Waiting, Mind Your Thoughts

You can’t afford the self-deprecation

Photo by Guilherme Rossi from Pexels

I can’t remember the exact moment I decided to become a broadcaster but I remember that something called to me whenever I watched broadcasters on Television. I remember that my dad then a newspaper editor traveled all around the world. I remember I asked my mum what I had to study to do that kind of work and she told me. I don’t want to be a newspaper journalist, I wanted to be seen and heard I recall.

My mind set on that dream, I worked tirelessly studying to get admitted into the University to study Mass Communication. Things were pretty much smooth for me. I worked on my struggles of timidity and shyness by joining student groups where I could practice elocution and diction.

I got my first job straight out of University. It didn’t pay well, but it was a job at a TV station and I was grateful that I had my foot in the door.

Fast forward to years later, I changed jobs and started working at a campus radio station as a radio host. My dreams had come true. Even though the fame wasn’t there yet, I was fulfilled, I met people, I attended events and I applied myself. Until it wasn’t enough.

I wanted more for myself, I needed more people to hear me, I wanted to inspire more people, I wanted to tell diverse stories, I wanted to share my world, experiences, and perspective with more people, and the place where I was, wasn’t giving me the platform I needed.

Searching my mind, I wondered if I had a problem, why is my dream not enough for me, what exactly am I looking for?

The more I pondered the questions, the more depressed I got because I spent the time self-loathing and self-deprecating. I must lack focus, maybe I needed to work harder, maybe I needed to put in more effort.

See there is something about the waiting period. The time when you know you want something but you are not quite sure what exactly it is. Or maybe you are too afraid to label it, to admit it to yourself.

The uncertainty and lack of clarity make you default to talking yourself down. All the things you were told about yourself that are not true begin to hold you back.

Yes, you need to be honest with yourself about your shortcomings but self-deprecation may keep you in a state of perpetual fear, fear of failing, fear of finally proving that it may be true that you are lazy, that you lack focus.

What you fear, you can’t understand. And what you don’t understand, you can’t make any progress in.

Wrap yourself in a cloak of self-compassion as you experience your period of waiting and confusion. It is okay not to know the next step even when you know you want to move. If we all knew what we should be doing, it would be easy but clarity comes in silence.

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Toyin Zuleiha

Toyin Zuleiha

I like to expand your perspective and world view with my words. How To Put Yourself Out There on Social Media- https://skl.sh/3HOaxr4 course #ZuleihaXpressions

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