Why Do We Struggle To Communicate With Each Other?
We are in the most technological age for communication yet it’s the skill that we seem to lack the most
We have the means to communicate with almost anybody in the world at any time. Technology has allowed us to have access to anything that we want 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. If we want to learn how to do something, all it takes is a simple search on the internet, and we can watch a video or read an article that gives us the step by step process of how to do it.
We have all the access to knowledge that we could ever want or need at this current time in history. Yet whilst we are striving to achieve more and constantly improving, innovating and evolving technology. We are losing sight of our basic human abilities.
We appear to be losing the ability to show empathy with our brothers and sisters. We no longer see the importance or the value in people doing good work for those who struggle to do for themselves. Instead, we find ways and reasons to criticise them and create further division in our local communities, cities, and national governments.
Nowadays everybody has a platform and has been empowered to use their voice. While this is a beautiful thing and a sign of progression, the negative side of that is we’re losing the ability to listen!!
Communication is a 2-way street. We all have the power and ability to state our case and voice our point of view, but the power behind your words can only be valued and received if you listen to another point of view when shared. If nobody is listening and everybody is talking, all you end up achieving is raising your voice louder and louder. Yet nobody is being heard so ultimately both words and energy are wasted.
You were created with one mouth and two ears so learn to use them
This isn’t just about “hearing” what is being said to you. You must learn to consider alternative points of view and be open to understanding another stance in a given situation. Listening and understanding are not acts of acceptance or admitting defeat. You can still agree to disagree. Whilst this may not be the outcome you were hoping for, all parties can be satisfied that they’ve been heard and not dismissed during the conversation.
Romantic Relationships
Whether you are married, dating, sleeping around or have a casual sex partner, you need to be able to communicate. In most relationship scenarios, tension and arguments tend to arise through the simple lack of communication. Imagine your partner has a grievance, rather than listen and take the grievance on board, your response is to say that they’re talking shit. What is achieved from that brief exchange? Your partner has attempted to communicate something that is bothering them and you’ve communicated that you don’t care and what they’ve shared with you is invalid. How would you feel if the shoe was on the other foot?
Being Open to Communicate
Communication is a skill and in some instances requires a great deal of bravery to begin. Being open to communicate isn’t easy as it requires strength through vulnerability.
Struggling to cope with stress can have some apparent physical indicators including; lack of sleep, dark circles around the eyes, lethargy, physical pain and weakness. These signs may become visible to your partner but without communication, they have no idea what’s going on with you.
Communicating with your partner isn’t about pouring your heart out if you’re not comfortable doing that. Many people feel guilty about burdening their partner with their troubles and some don’t want their partners to try and “fix” them. Telling your partner or being told by your partner “I’m struggling but I will get through it” may be all you need to say or will hear from them. In this instance, a hug can be all the communication of love and support that they need.
Miscommunication
It’s not hard to be clear when you think about it. Miscommunication or mistaken communication is due to passive language or lazy use of language. Disagreements and ill-feeling because of miscommunication can be avoided by using direct requests with the required tonality (another essential element of communication). If you have a request, eliminate any words that or confusing, contradictory or unnecessary. Asking someone to do something “when they get the chance” then being mad when it hasn’t been done is your fault, not theirs. If a task required urgency then it’s your responsibility to make that clear. The tone is very important too, too passive a tone can make the request seem insignificant or lack urgency. A passive tone also doesn’t command much respect and can be dismissed quite easily as the request doesn’t stick in the mind.
1986 movie, Police Academy 3 comes to mind with Officer Laverne Hooks — A very mild-mannered, softly spoken woman. The comedy is in how she switches, demanding loudly and clearly for the recruits to “Zip your lips, slouch your butts to the seat and listen hard”. The soft approach wasn’t working but the direct communication had the desired effect. On the other hand, shouting and rudeness is not communication and is unlikely to be met with respect or adherence.
Text Messages/ WhatsApp
WhatsApp is probably the best app ever invented. It removed the need and the cost of SMS and MMS messaging, saving the customer money allowing for quick communication beyond the 140 characters that restricted SMS messaging.
The problem is we mistreat it and use it for all forms of communication. I’ve always been an advocate for not having an argument or dispute via text. This is the same for social media conflicts. Countless times I’ve advised friends and relatives to refrain from text message disputes or sending essays where you pour out your feelings.
Context and tonality get lost in translation through text. Even reading this article you may perceive my tone to be something completely different from what my intention is. I recently read an article stating that text messages should solely be used for information and not communication and I concur. Simple bits of information or quick questions, sharing pictures, videos or voice notes are all good but if you have an issue that needs settling. Get in front of one another and work it out.
Communication is a dying art in the 21st century and one that needs to be addressed urgently. During the global crisis, we have had contradictory messages from the “experts” and world leaders. Relationships have been tested and the need for communication whilst being stuck at home has become more important than ever.
How we understand and communicate with the people around us in everyday life needs work. I advise you as a reader of this article to rediscover the skill of listening. Not listening to hear or to respond but active listening to understand.
