Why Does Adulting Feel Like It Has a Deadline Too?
Everyone’s figuring out what they want to be in life — what about me?
When I was a kid, I had multiple dreams about who I wanted to be. I wanted to be an architect, a doctor (I guess I didn’t know how much I hated blood yet), and a fashion designer. But guess what? Now I’m none of those things.
Now that I’m in my twenties, I feel a lot of pressure from people around me asking questions like, “Is this really what you want to do in life?”, “Have you thought about what you’ll be doing in the next five years?”, and “What is your main goal in life?” While I am currently a music teacher and can make a living from this occupation, I often wonder whether I want to stay in this field or if it’s just the most viable option for me at the moment. As I receive more questions about this, I feel a sudden rush to finally figure out my future.
These questions have got me thinking: is there really a deadline for figuring out what I want to be in life?
Seeing successful adults around me creates an ideal image of what an adult should be. They make major decisions independently, no longer needing validation from others to prove their choices. They know how to behave in various situations, how to make a living, and how to manage their own wealth. These are the things our parents may have mastered but perhaps didn’t explicitly teach us. Some parents might have taught us how to grow into adulthood, but others might not have had the opportunity to do so.
I consider myself lucky because, even though I live far from home, I still maintain intensive communication with my parents. Although I no longer receive their allowance now that I’m supporting myself, they have helped me develop skills in managing my own money, taking care of my living space, and behaving appropriately in a work environment. However, as an adult, I understand that my parents will no longer provide these instructions. As I grow older, I need to make decisions independently and no longer rely on my parents.
That’s what scares me. When exactly will I have to figure out what I really want to be in life on my own?
I have a value that I really like and have held onto for these past years: “little by little.” The phrase has several extended versions that we can find on the internet, such as “Little by little, a little becomes a lot,” “Little by little, day by day, what is meant for you will find its way,” and “Nothing can be done except little by little.” I like all of them. We all know that achieving something requires a process, and that process can take different amounts of time — some fast, some slower. But what’s important is that we are making progress little by little.
That’s what I remind myself of. Seeing people my age succeed in life or do something they really enjoy can be daunting at times. But once I remember that everyone’s timing is different, I feel more at peace. So here’s what I do to ensure that I am living my life while also planning for my future:
Start by figuring out what brings you the most peace.
I believe that making a living through what I truly enjoy will bring me the most peace. Doing something we like and not having to stress too much about it creates a sense of peace in our hearts. Personally, I enjoy playing music. Even though I’m not sure which specific field of music I want to pursue in the coming years, I know that, in this area, I am the happiest.
Continue with mind-mapping.
By “mind-mapping,” I don’t mean that it has to be written on paper as we used to do in school. It can take various forms. My version of mind-mapping involves making lists. I created a list of potential work areas for the future. Once I had that, I started writing down the steps needed to achieve each goal. For example, if I want to become a music film composer, I need to gain more knowledge about music scoring, watch and listen to more film music, learn how to choose the right instruments and timbres for specific pieces, and more. Writing all these down makes the goals seem more achievable and helps me figure out my next steps.
Create a to-do list of things you can start doing right now.
Yes, I’m a bit of a list fanatic, but making lists has really helped me narrow down my next steps. To achieve a big goal in the future, the first step toward progress can be taken right now. We don’t have to wait until we’re older to start; instead, remember: “Little by little, a little becomes a lot.
