Why Get Married
The top good reasons (and also the least good)
Why get married?
This question may seem stupid to you, with an obvious answer: “Because I love him”. OK, but that's a bit light...
Today, many "types" of relationships exist: marriage (religious sacrament, civil or secular ceremony), PACS, common-law union, cohabitation...
And yet, if you are here, you have probably chosen the institution of marriage. So why this choice?
Love is probably the first driving force in the choice you just made in complete freedom, and that’s great! But (spoiler alert ) this is not enough to commit to marriage, which requires work and immense will, well beyond the feeling of love: as Bismarck points out, “ I am not marrying you because I love you, but to love you”.
It is therefore important to think in depth about the commitment you are about to make, before saying yes. Getting married is much more than signing a piece of paper or carrying out an administrative procedure.
From the time you met, you've probably already made commitments to each other (being in an exclusive relationship, maybe moving in together, etc.).
So why this new commitment? Why get married now? What does it mean to you? Is it a logical sequence or are you considering a “before” and an “after”?
Take the time together to think about it before the wedding, it will save you!
Wrong reasons to get married
You have just made one of the most important, or at least the craziest, decisions of your life: choosing to share the rest of your days with your lover, by making a marriage proposal, or by accepting one.
You embarked on the preparations and began to make choices:
What type of wedding ceremony are you considering for your dream day: religious, civil, or secular
Choosing the wedding dress and suit
The decision on the place of reception
…
But beyond the organization of your big day, which i wish you magical, you have asked yourself the question that all future spouses should ask themselves first: why this decision to get married? The divorce rate in my country would probably be lower if all couples took the time to ask themselves this question...
This question is also one of the essential questions to ask yourself before getting married.
If there are almost as many good reasons as there are future newlyweds (such as the desire to build a family with the person you have chosen, choosing to always support each other, etc.), we can, however, agree on the “ wrong reasons. ”
1. prove to ourselves that we are not a failure, or cleanse ourselves of an affront experienced in a past relationship.
2. To avoid being alone.
3. Having difficult living conditions for one of the two spouses.
4. To receive love and feel appreciated (even if it’s a big bonus of marriage, I’ll grant you that).
5. Being able to be happy and fulfilled (same as above; it’s a big plus of marriage but you don’t have to wait for it to be happy). It’s better to learn to be happy with yourself first.
6. For physique and sex only.
7. For fear of remaining single for a long time and not having children.
8. Societal pressure
9. Just to have a big party,
10. To breathe new life into a relationship that is going badly
11. To control the other (by “putting the rope around their neck” )
If you don't recognize yourself for any of these reasons, it's a good start to your married life!
Good reasons people get married
On the other hand, there are thousands of “good” reasons to get married! You are probably thinking of the most classic ones:
✅ celebrate your love,
✅ formalize the relationship with a beautiful wedding,
✅ swear loyalty
✅ share your happiness with your loved ones,
✅ respect a certain tradition,
✅ have the same name…
The common point in all of these, and of which I am convinced, is that marriage is not only about loving, but choosing to love.
Feelings are not enough to make a happy marriage ( or only for a while, which a priori is not your objective if divorce is not in your plans). Love is often reduced to an emotion or a feeling, but if it is defined that way it will not be enough to build a solid story.
Conclusion
Among the good reasons mentioned in this post, you may be saying to yourself that they are not inherent to marriage: of course, we can make these commitments outside of marriage.
On the other hand, marriage, because of its ritual and symbolic aspect, allows us to put words to these commitments at a given moment. And to have a specific point, memories, to hold on to in the fluctuating moments of the relationship in the future.
