Why is it so Hard to Talk?
We’re born without a voice, without the ability to speak for we have never heard a spoken word. As we grow, we pick up sounds from those around us, we turn these sounds into words and it is celebrated when a “mama” or “dada” is pronounced from a one year old baby. Speaking becomes a natural part of our everyday lives and we use our voice to present our thoughts, feelings and perspective. So when did we reach the point where we felt we couldn’t talk, we couldn’t express ourselves? Was it because we were afraid to admit we weren’t okay? Or was it because we knew we would not like response that followed?
He doesn’t discuss his feelings with us. We try not to talk about it. It’s hard enough as it is… Even if it’s hurting him, he tries not to let it show.
I’ve never been one to talk, I always found it easier to be swallowed by my own thoughts. Why would I bother someone else with my issues when they’re more likely than not going through something much harder? I convince myself that others have it worse off than me. I make it evident to myself that everyone has been through something similar and they’re fine so why aren’t I. I never see talking as the answer, bearing all, becoming vulnerable, opening myself up to judgement. Why would I do that to myself when I can instead act like everything is okay and deal with it myself?
How do we know talking works? All I can see it doing is opening myself up to allow someone see my pain. I’m a man.. I can’t be seen to be weak, or have problems? Isn’t that what society as sculpted me to become? Everyone goes through pain everyday, they deal with it in their own way and move forward and that’s how I handle things.
I think the reason we find it so hard to talk is because we are afraid to be vulnerable. We are perceived as needing be fixed, shining our issues onto another in an attempt to relate and converse over feelings. We find it so hard to talk because we don’t want to become a burden, that once we have expressed our feelings, the other feels the obligation to check up and ensure your state of mind improves. But that’s exactly what we need. Someone to care, to understand, to empathise. We need someone to not just tell us everything is going to be okay but to work with us to make sure it will be. That takes a lot of trust, finding someone willing to do that, maybe that’s why it’s so hard to talk because of how hard it is to trust.
Anything that’s human is mentionable, and anything that is mentionable can be manageable. When we can talk about our feelings, they become less overwhelming, less upsetting, less scary. The people we trust with that important talk can help us know that we are not alone.
And isn’t that what we inevitably crave, to never feel alone? It’s important to feel understood, included and that people have experienced what you’re going through. If you feel alone, you feel weak. You revert to thinking, “No one gets it, there’s no point in talking when no one will understand.” But they will, because someone, somewhere, has gone through or is going through what you are experiencing. Someone will understand and they will relate so use your voice and talk. Be brave. Don’t be afraid of the response or the vulnerability because when you do open your mouth, the person opening their ears will ensure you never feel alone again.
We grow up with our parents pleading for us to speak, say our first words and grow from words, to sentences. It becomes almost annoying by the age of 10 when we don’t stop talking and drive them insane. It only happens that when we experience life changing obstacles, emotional scenarios and uncomfortable situations that we lose our voice. That we sink into our own thoughts and succumb to the noise in our heads. We must listen for that plead we heard at and young age and not lose our voice. Express ourselves whilst we still have the chance to. Trust the people you open up to and believe that things will improve. If we do not talk, we may never truly recover from the pain we have experienced.
Opening yourself up to a person takes a huge amount of courage and trust. Even if you think you know, you never truly know how they will react or respond and that will always be out of your control. In keeping them out, you keep the risk of disappointment and pain out. But in keeping them out, you keep the chance of acceptance and love out too. In the end, you really have to decide if the risk or the chance is more important to you and act accordingly.
