Why Learning From Mistakes is So Hard?
It’s very hard to talk about failure.
It’s a good sign that more people, from political leaders to CEOs of fortune companies, are talking about failures more openly than ever before.
But still, it remains one of the most uncomfortable topics to bring up. Yet it’s the most relatable topic as everyone fails in some way.
Failing in an exam,
Failing to go to the gym consistently,
Failing to grow a healthy relationship
Failing to predict the performance of a stock
Failing to raise a child
..
.
The list is endless right?
Cristel Carrisi, in her TED talk, described how talking about failure is embarrassing, shameful, and considered taboo!
She mentioned that there is a constant threat of “Brutta Figura”, which means in Italian, to look bad.
Because we think failure makes you look bad!
No one wants to look bad, right?
This is one of the reasons that force us to forget the mistake and never look back at it!
I remember two of my friends from school who always gambled on the cricket matches. They made their own rules and regulations for the game. It was not so simple like which team would win the match but rather a little complex and was based on betting on the players who would bat in the next match.
The money depended on the number of runs scored by the player times 3. i.e., Thrice the no. of runs scored by any batsman of choice.
I clearly remember the day when one of them lost a considerable sum of money as the two of the opponent’s players scored centuries. Hence, the total he would receive became ~800₹.
Now the person who lost didn’t have that large amount of money; how can he? We were just middle-class students. At max, our pocket money was 300₹ a month!
Now this person convinced the other person two play a Rock, Paper, Scissor game for the same amount he lost!
I was wondering to see his risk-taking appetite was huge! How on earth would he afford if he loses this one also?
They played, and he lost again!
The price to be paid became 1600₹!
He convinced the other to play another match for 800₹ again!
He lost this one too! (2400₹ in loss)!
It was a huge setback for him! All of the class requested the opponent to please lower the amount!
Finally, he settled at 1000₹, which the other paid over 5–6 months in small installments.
Tim Harford studied a professional poker game and observed the following:
There’s a particularly emotional moment at which players are incredibly vulnerable to surge.
It’s not when they’ve won a huge pot! It’s when they’ve just lost a lot of money through bad luck or bad strategy.
The loss nudges a player making overly aggressive bets in an effort to win back what he wrongly feels is still his money. The brain refuses to register that the money has gone.
Similarly, the average investor is more likely to hold on to shares that have fallen in value in the hope of recouping losses when a better strategy would be to cut the losses by selling.
Nobel laureate Daniel Kahneman summarised this
A person who has not made peace with his losses is likely to accept gambles that would be unacceptable to him otherwise.
Loss Aversion is core because we do not like to make losses.
Often, we don’t accept failures and blame others if something goes wrong. Blame is an incredibly easy and effortless tactic to use when we feel defensive.
We all want to be perfect, we all have this innate desire but a patch of failure is a symbol of imperfectness. You don’t hold yourself accountable for the consequences of your behaviors, thoughts, and feelings, and you get to continue living life thinking that you don’t have any flaws or areas needing improvement.
Holding ourselves accountable for our actions usually puts us in a vulnerable position. As a result, it can be challenging to do. Blaming others keeps us from seeing ways we can alter our behavior to achieve the desired outcome, leaves us powerless, and stunts our personal growth. Blaming is a quick escape from guilt.
The Denial of responsibility helps us oversee our mistakes and prevents us from learning from failure.
Conclusion: — Why learning from mistakes is so hard?
- Brutta Figura or Fear of looking bad!
- Loss Aversion Fear of making losses!
- Denial refuse to take responsibility!
Bonus
There’s an Indian saying that
What ever happens, happens for good!
We can sometimes persuade ourselves that the mistake does not really matter or, worse still, reinterpret the mistake as some kind of success. ‘Things probably worked out for the best.’ Studies show that people often reinterpret their past decisions as better than they really were.
If you enjoyed this read, I’m certain you’ll love this other piece as well!
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