Why Self-Help Is Not Helping You
Self-help is not helping you. Let’s fix and change this.
Before we get started, let me tell you that self-help isn’t bad, and in many cases, you can grow with and through it.
You need to direct the information and energy you get from self-help properly.
The Problem
You hear this catchy book title, and with huge excitement, you order the book with the expectation that after reading it, your whole life will change.
Isn’t this what happens every time? Say the truth
Reading gives you so much pleasure that you are growing and enhancing yourself, so you keep going, and with every book you finish, you get that feeling of accomplishment and the dopamine hit as you finish what you have started, so you get into a loop of repeating the same process.
But we know for sure that reading alone won’t change your life.
Self-Help vs Self-Improvement
When you pursue self-help, you rely on external factors for motivation. This is called extrinsic motivation.
Some, if not many, will tell me f**k motivation All you need is discipline
While this holds some truth, it isn’t the whole truth.
Getting extrinsic motivation from self-help books is good for:
- We have the motivation to start and the discipline to continue.
- We have a concept that can transform our lives for the better.
- We have the knowledge of how to implement that concept effectively.
The last part is where all the transformation happens.
Self-help = extrinsic motivation
Self-improvement = Implementation of what you have learned, getting results, and knowing your intrinsic motivation
How to Avoid the Trap of Anti-Self-Improvement
Nothing is created equal, and that also applies to self-improvement.
What would work for you might not work for me; that’s because we are different and many miss this point.
That’s what creates anti-self-improvement.
You attempt to apply a concept, but it fails for you, so you keep telling yourself and others that this is ineffective.
Even though others claim that it worked very well for them,
Suppose you want to learn a new language.
Some people enjoy using apps, and some people prefer books.
Some say that apps are ineffective for language learning; others say they are the best.
Personal preferences, learning styles, prior knowledge, and motivation aside
How can you know that using an app is a good method for you without doing it regularly?
If you applied this method, consistently increased your level, and stuck to it for 3–6 months, then you can judge if it’s good or bad.
This applies to any other idea that can enhance your life.
Trying it for a day, deciding it sucks, and dropping it will ruin you.
Awareness and direct experience are the keys
Awareness is the foundation of true self-improvement, and direct experience is the cement that solidifies it.
Consuming self-help content makes you aware of the problem and gives you the framework for solving it.
Implementing the framework through direct experiences for a given time turns self-help into self-improvement.
If you have given the time and still aren’t getting the results, you return to the awareness step and repeat.
If you need to clear and organize your thoughts and self-help tells you to journal, you do the practice regularly and see for yourself if it helps you or not.
Self-help acts as an awareness booster and, at some points, as a reminder of things we have learned in the past.
Only through direct experience and consistency do you get to know if it is good for your growth or not.
When you find it useful, you feel more motivated from within.
If not, go back to awareness. This is the part that most people miss.
When things go wrong for some people, they convince themselves and others that nothing is going their way, which only strengthens their belief that they are stuck.
That’s how you end up staying where you are.
The people who inspire you are always growing and not settling for where they are. If you find any who are not, they are hardly inspiring.
Your health, wealth, and relationships depend on your growth.
If you don’t improve yourself, they will all decline.
Conclusion
Self-help won’t help you and can be counterproductive if you use it as a substitute for taking action.
Self-improvement is beneficial if you cultivate self-awareness and inner motivation over time.
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