Why Withdrawal from Addiction Is The Worst Feeling In The World
And why it’s worth it — My story
Addiction is the worst disease that anyone’s life can have. Everyone has his own little addictions, whether it’s watching Netflix in the evening, sugary drinks, coffee, or even toxic relationships. We all have a weak spot for something that we love, and that’s okay. It’s part of being human.
The problem arises when the addiction gets out of control and becomes a coping mechanism, so instead of enjoying whatever you’re engaged in, you take it compulsively with little regard for the consequences. It might hurt your work, love life, and happiness, yet you still participate in the act whatever it is.
And the worst part about it is the withdrawal symptoms. Withdrawal is the brain’s way of adjusting back to normal after abnormal stimuli have been provided for an extended period of time. Different stimuli change the brain in different ways and the stronger the stimuli, the harder it is to revert back to normal. That’s why the most addictive behaviors are ones that spike our brain chemicals in supernatural ways, like drugs, alcohol, pornography, smoking, and gambling. And the list goes on and on.
Now as part of our brain’s natural way of defense against this supernatural amount of stimuli, it changes itself with its neuroplastic properties. The brain literally adapts to receive less stimulation from the named activity, so the next time that a person smokes 1 cigarette, he just finds it not satisfying enough, so he takes another one. This is called tolerance. In order to feel the same initial high, after your brain adapted to respond less strongly to it, you need to instead increase the dose or the intensity of the stimuli.
That could mean drinking more alcohol, taking hard drugs, or moving to more extreme kinds of explicit content. This takes a toll on your mind, not just in the way that you experience pleasure, but in the way that you are functional as a human being. It changes who you are. Addiction can’t be separated from personality and it definitely can’t be separated from work and family. It’s just an invading power that threatens to take everything away from you, in case you don’t treat it and its underlying reasons.
My Story with Addiction
At the age of 13, I was introduced to a new ‘website’ on the internet by a cousin. As a kid, my brain couldn’t understand the images that I was seeing and it felt guilty for it. My parents were not monitoring the PC enough to protect me, and it persisted. For some reason, even as a child, I felt that what I was doing was wrong and I decided to quit.
In a few years time at the age of 16, the addiction came back. Even as a 16-year-old, I still saw myself as a kid who didn’t know better. It was a habit that came back and forth every two weeks. I was struggling to quit.
The addiction was kept at bay by my moderation until the first real relapse when I was 18. At this point in my life, I considered myself an adult. After applying to my dream universities, and working so hard, up to 8 hours per day to study for the SAT and other local exams, I failed. I was rejected by over 20 universities in a row and I hit a low point in my life.
For the first time, my addiction was my coping mechanism. There was no purpose to live for and my young self took it as an excuse to indulge. As the weeks passed by, my brain changed as a result of my consumption. My dopamine receptors were fried, giving me little pleasure in my daily life. I was addicted to work and explicit content in my room all day long. I withdrew socially. It was hell that needed to be changed.
Luckily, in my struggle, I found a new purpose: that I can perhaps shape the future with my own hands and that I can predict it with incredibly high accuracy. I believed that I was the only one responsible for my future, not God, not luck, and not anyone else. It’s all just me. From that moment on, I went sober, going through painful withdrawal. My streak was up to 110 days.
The addiction came back to haunt me in college at age 22. Under the pressure of my assignments, exams, and social context, I went back into the rat hole. At this time, I have tried to quit my addiction unsuccessfully for over 300 times over 6 years. Some of them were successful, giving me long streaks. Some were as short as 5 days.
Finally, in college, I found my salvation in connecting with real humans, acknowledging my emotions, and being very understanding towards them, in my purpose in life, and in being free.
The last few tries to quit were the hardest, but that’s why they were so effective. They hit me with the hardest withdrawal symptoms.
Withdrawal Symptoms: The Nightmare
Whenever I went through withdrawal, I dreaded what was coming. On the next day of quitting, a headache on the right side of my brain, where my reward center is located, starts to sear. Constant consistent tingling keeps going on for at least 3–4 days. On those days, I’m so emotionally unstable. I wake up depressed, lifeless, with no motivation to do anything other than stay in bed. However, my responsibilities push me to wake up and go through the day.
“Fuming in a cloud of chemicals, fake anxiety, and unstable guts.” Things I wrote while I’m withdrawing. I was in class trying to focus on Physics.
With the greatest stimuli out of my life, anything else that I do pales in comparison, a process called desensitization. At night, I cry. For whatever reason, I just feel really sad. Sometimes, I remember the toxic relationships I’ve been in before or a few people that I really miss who passed away. Sometimes, it’s just imaginary situations that arise just on occasion.
“It loves to live in imagination, yet it doesn’t know that only what’s real is real and mostly what’s real is not important.” I had a crush on a girl and was planning to ask her out. The withdrawal made it more difficult.
After a week, I slowly start to feel pleasure in other areas of my life. I started to witness how beautiful the world around me actually is. I hit up friends and go out. And I get carvings of my old behavior. It just feels much more exciting now. If I don’t solve my problems and take care of myself, this is usually the hardest part.
In my last try, I successfully managed my emotions, coped by going out with a friend, and allowed myself to heal. Now, I have no worries and I feel freer than ever. And I trust myself to continue this for years to come. In total, it’s been over 10 months.
If someone around you is experiencing withdrawal symptoms, which, surprisingly, are very similar to women’s monthly symptoms, don’t forget to be supportive and understanding. The mood swings can be real and chemical imbalances in the brain make them vulnerable.
Finally, why quit?
Because life is just so much more fulfilling when you’re not so depressed by withdrawal. For different addictions, there are different reasons, but the main one is to increase the quality of life.
Gambling addicts will save money. Explicit Content addicts will experience true connection. Alcohol addicts will enjoy feeling sober. Smoking addicts will love the freedom of not having to smoke every few minutes and having a foul smell. Add to that the health repercussions of each one of them.
Above all, you won’t find withdrawal interfering with your life.
Conclusion
In conclusion, addiction is one of the worst mistakes that anyone can make. It can come to the best of us in a moment of vulnerability, and no matter how aware and conscious you are, you can easily fall into this trap if you’re not careful.
Over the years, I have found that the best protection method is just avoiding addictive behavior in vulnerable moments. Be as far away from it as possible so you can’t be tempted, and even if you trust yourself, take measures to control it.
I’m Marco De Luca, born and raised in the bustling streets of Naples, where the echoes of history whisper through every cobblestone. As a sculptor, I chisel away at marble, capturing the essence of Italy’s rich cultural tapestry in every stroke.
But beyond the cool touch of stone, I find warmth in the dance of words across paper. Writing is my sanctuary, a place where imagination knows no bounds. In the quiet hours of the night, I pen tales of love and loss, weaving narratives that mirror the complexities of life. Each word is a brushstroke, painting vivid landscapes of emotion and thought.
Through both sculpting and writing, I seek to leave behind a legacy that resonates with the hearts of those who encounter my work, a testament to the enduring beauty of the human spirit.
