Why You Need to be Alone, More Than Ever
How to make loneliness work for you
The world has stopped being normal for a while now. Every day is more or less the same, you repeat the same clothes, breath the same air and see the same faces. You’re alone, bored and hoping everything comes to an end soon. The anxiety is real, and we’re all feeling it. We are all in it together.
You often fill such moments with Zoom calls, Netflix, reading, cooking, gardening, you name it. But is that enough? Are you happy with the virtual meetings and endless social media scrolling? Is there a better way to fill such moments?
But what if we didn’t need to fill those moments? What if there was no void, to begin with? Can you turn it around to work for you?
You spent a lot of time talking and listening to people you care about. But you seldom do that to yourself. Every time you are all alone you feel this sudden emptiness and the urge to do something else instead. You make sure that you stay distracted.
But, do you have to? What if you just let yourself feel the loneliness? Be alone?
Why you should be alone
If you were to meet yourself, would you like the person you meet? Let that thought sink in for a while…
If the answer is no, then you need to take time out for yourself. If the answer is yes, still maybe there are things that you can work upon. Take a step towards upgrading yourself. But being alone is boring, why would you bear the boredom?
Well, there are a couple of benefits you gain by being alone. And boredom will not stick around for long, but the consequences would!
1. You get to know who you are
There must have been times when you suddenly realise something about yourself when you are in the middle of a conversation. Then you go, bam! “I never knew that’s what I thought like!”
It’s a good thing, sudden self-realisation is great. But there is a problem, you often have to wait till such realisations come naturally. Usually by having a conversation that you never had before.
This changes when you start spending time with yourself. You ask questions and then you understand why you do the things you do. And you would know your beliefs and how those came to be. You can self-evaluate once you know what your core values are.
The most important aspect of this retrospection is that you do not have to restrain your thoughts, nobody is listening other than yourself.
You do not have to fit into anyone’s opinions or expectations, be yourself.
You can be an arrogant prick, a pushover, a narcissist or just a bunch of lies you made up to fit in. Does not matter, be you, and then start from there to become the person you want to be.
2. You get better at controlling your emotions
The more you practise curiosity with yourself, the more you discover about why you react to things the way you do. This can help you face life reasonably and calmly.
This can bring in amazing changes if done right. You will know what makes you anxious, angry, sad or happy and you get to choose how you react to such emotions. It’s like you are your own Oogway and you can talk yourself out before things turn ugly!
3. Connecting with others gets easier
Ever felt difficulty explaining how you feel? When someone asks you how you felt about them you run out of words or come out meaning less than you intended?
The truth is, in many ways, we are strangers to ourselves.
Once you are comfortable in your skin, it’s easy talking to other people. You can express yourself better thus the people around you can appreciate you for the honesty.
Also, you realise how complicated you are, so you are slower to come to judgements or conclusions. You give the other person space and freedom to express themselves.
You know what your expectations are from other people and therefore you can be open about it. Which results in fewer conflicts in the future. So overall, better relationships.
4. You begin to enjoy your own company
We all have this constant void that we feel inside once we are on our own doing nothing. It is just not comfortable, we do not learn to find solace in silence.
Being your friend can be amazing. It’s like taking yourself to a date. Talking, listening and pampering yourself. You might not come out as the person you thought you were. And that’s alright.
Build a friend in you, who knows you in and out. Give it time and patience just like all other friendships.
And once this friendship is built, it’s easy to spend time on your own. Got nobody to hang out with? Or Covid-19 still stops you from meeting other people? You have a friend to hang out with, in your skin!
Practice being with yourself
Make time for yourself every day by doing nothing. I mean absolutely nothing!
Start small if an hour is too much, to begin with. Make it a routine if you can and stick to it.
Talk to yourself, listen to yourself and be brutally honest. Be mean, be bad, be a psycho, be anything you want to be. Do not filter your thoughts. The point is to understand yourself and correct your flaws if you find any.
Being bored is part of it, but in that boredom, you start to be a little less scared of what you’ll see. That doesn’t mean you’re going to like all of it, but eventually, you will start enjoying it.
Find comfort in the uncomfortable loneliness.
Don’t give up on yourself, you will get there with time and patience.
After all, it’s amazing to be okay on a Friday evening when the world is out partying, and you’re just hanging out in your skin!
If you make friends with yourself you will never be alone — Maxwell Maltz
