“Will you marry me?” isn’t the right question

There’s a better question to gauge commitment

The married couple, my niece and nephew-in-law. Posted with permission. Photo by author.

I’ve been living in sin with two bastard children for two decades.

That is how many view my partner’s and my life.

A wedding hasn’t been part of our history. And we’re fine with that.

However, I do love a good wedding.

A few months ago I attended my niece’s wedding. It was set in an idyllic piece of northern Wisconsin ringed by lush forest and a still river. The love that emanated for and by the couple was as palpable as the rain pattering down outside. Everything about the day, including how they handled the unexpected rain, affirmed that they are each other’s person.

As blissful, beautiful, and deeply moving as their wedding was, I would’ve equally supported their choice to not marry. The marriage ceremony is not a tradition to which I ascribe because I don’t believe you need marriage to build and sustain a loving, trusting, nurturing, and fulfilling relationship. To me, there is a better measure of commitment.

I had to explain this unconventional perspective to my traditionalist Dad more than 20 years ago. As I boogied with him at the wedding, I recalled that conversation, which ultimately put an end to the “Are you getting…