World Of Drug Dreams; A Conclusion
We have reached the third and final part of this series of mine about drug dreams. It’s been a learning experience for many, and myself as well. I always feel like I learn more about myself, just by sharing a bit of me, with the world out there; without prejudice, and no vulnerability held back.
In my first two earlier pieces here on the ILLUMINATION Publication, we looked at different parts of the drug dream factor. We looked at why they may be happening in more significance these days, and I also presented the emotions, and the way these type of dreams affect me and make me feel.
If this is your first time reading a piece from this series, I highly recommend you go back and read parts 1 and 2 from earlier this month. The links below will connect you each of the first two parts.
Part 1- https://medium.com/illumination/the-world-of-drug-dreams-a-series-c076939dbd2
Part 2- https://medium.com/illumination/the-world-of-drug-dreams-3765bc202247
This finale part is one that will be presented a little bit different than many of my other articles and memoirs. I just wanted to share some specifics about just what kind of storylines my brain creates as it relates to drug dreams. I find some of the absolute details, and intensity of these dreams to be mind boggling, or fascinating. As we all know, dreams in general can be weird, scary, or just plain indescribable, and these drug dreams fit those categories and then some.
I find myself in anxiety filled scenarios, which doesn’t revolve around the actual using of drugs, believe it or not. It relates more to a “running from trouble and fear” type of repetitive battle. I may be driving a car with tons of drugs, and out of nowhere hundreds of police cars are coming up on me, the lights and sirens go on, then I swiftly wake up, heart pounding. Then realizing first of all that for the duration of that dream, I really thought the dream was true life. So much so, that I have to spend a few minutes awake, convincing myself that I am sober now, and I’ve been clean for a few years.
I then, re-thank God for the millionth time that the dream was just a story and a dream and I don’t have to worry about my freedom being taken.
Other dreams revolve around a different panic. As usual, I am not high, or using in my dreams. However, I find myself walking down a street, drugs in my pocket. Having a strong sense of worry and fear, because in that dream I am fully actively addicted again. I live that old panic of days past, where I have an ultimate fright upon me because I am wondering how I will be able to survive supporting a $200 a day habit once again. Kicking myself in the ass because I am back at square one. And I fear for all the wrongdoing that comes with supporting that habit.
Once again, I wake up swiftly, and I have to stop the panic, and use my mindfulness to realize that, I feel normal. I don’t feel sick. And wait a minute, I don’t have that habit anymore. I don’t need drugs, or other illicit medications to feel normal. It just comes naturally, as it has been for the past few years. The chains have been broken, and they really are broken today.
Although all of my drug dreams involve a swift awakening in full panic and anxiety mode, they do one important job. They keep me mindful, and appreciative of the miracle today. That being, that I really am sober, and I have to appreciate the impossible truth. Because it really is the truth. I don’t need drugs to dictate every waking moment of my life anymore.
I think it’s appropriate to remain thankful of this blessing everyday like it’s brand new. Because each day, does feel new. Sobriety gives us the chance to enjoy the new day, each day. To awake from bed, in health, and piece of mind.
Our brains are intricate computers, and they never forget. Especially when the memories are ones that abused our brain day in, day out for who knows how many years.
Taking on this three part series covering the many different parts of this topic, have actually helped me even more. It has brought me even closer into today’s reality. A reality filled with faith, spirituality, and a sense of constant blessings to be grateful for.
Michael Patanella
is a Trenton, New Jersey Author, Publisher, Columnist, Editor, Advocate, and recovering addict, covering topics of mental health, addiction, sobriety, mindfulness, self-help, faith, spirituality, Smart Recovery, social advocacy, and countless other nonfiction topics. His articles, publications, memoirs, and stories are geared towards being a voice for the voiceless. Hoping to reach others out there still struggling.
