“You Teach People How to Treat You” is Silly Nonsense
You can’t “teach” an adult how to be a kind and respectful person
The idea “You teach people how to treat you” is as dangerous as quicksand.
Good for nothing but getting stuck in an undesirable relationship. It will erode your self-confidence and foster a victim mindset, making you miserable.
Instead, we need to let the behavior of others teach us.
Behavior does not lie
If someone treats you with disrespect, they don’t respect you.
If someone treats you with disdain, they don’t like you and probably hate you. They don't care for you. They do not value you.
Their behavior reveals how they feel about you. And no amount of “teaching” will change that.
You are not responsible for how others treat you. It’s not up to you to teach someone you deserve basic human respect. That’s victim blaming. It’s telling the victim they are weak and deserve any abusive treatment they receive.
I have never “let” someone disrespect me. People act that way because they’re thoughtless and unhappy.
How about we put the blame on abusive behavior where it belongs? Some people are mean, and they hurt decent people. You can’t “teach” them out of who they are.
When you’re bullied, it’s because you’re dealing with a narcissistic individual. And it’s not your fault.
Let them teach you
Let’s flip the idea of “teaching others how to treat us” on its head.
Take note of how someone treats you and others to determine what kind of person they are. You become the student, letting the behavior of others teach you about them.
We have no interest in unkind people. If someone treats you with anything less than respect, refuse them entry into your life. If they are already part of your life, you cut them off.
There is no other way.
Honestly, do you want to be in a relationship with an adult you have to “teach” how to be kind?
Setting Boundaries
Sometimes, we confuse “teaching others how to treat us” with setting boundaries.
Setting boundaries is more than a good idea; it’s essential. Enforce your boundaries every chance you get.
When someone crosses a personal boundary, you tell them, “Your behavior makes me uncomfortable. I want no part of it. You can’t hang around me and act like that. Stop, or I will remove you from my life.”
Boundaries define your personal space. They cultivate self-awareness and demonstrate self-love. Boundaries are there for you, giving you a sense of control.
Contrast that with you trying to “teach” someone how to treat you with kindness and respect. It’s silly to think you can teach an adult how to be respectful.
Grown-ups already know how they should treat others.
Observe someone who disrespects you. You will find the bully treats certain people with respect. They know how to be nice when they want to.
They have no problem showing respect to those they believe they have a reason to respect. They know how to value someone they value.
Their abusive behavior toward you tells you they do not value you. That they believe you are not worthy of their respect.
On the other hand, those who want to respect you will go out of their way to do so.
You don’t have to teach a decent person how to treat you. They are, by nature, kind and respectful to everyone. You don’t have to set “boundaries” with civil people. They understand how adults treat each other and don’t need you to instruct them.
Behavior does not lie. Someone who treats you with disdain does not like you. And that’s a cue to get them out of your life.
“When someone shows you who they are,
believe them the first time.”
― Maya Angelou
Don’t expect someone to change who has already shown you who they are. Never let someone tell you they care when their behavior says otherwise. They are lying.
Stop trying to teach uncooperative adults how to behave.
Don’t try to figure out why they act the way they do.
Don’t wonder what you might have done wrong. It’s not you who has to change; it’s them.
Save your time trying to please them.
They don’t want to change; they don’t give a flying fig.
And none of it is your fault.
Accept the truth that their cruel behavior proves they don’t care for you and never will. They have the right to dislike you, and you have the right to boot them out of your life.
Life is harsh and challenging as it is; why burden yourself with an unhealthy relationship? Find decent, kind people who are worthy of your time.
Cruel behavior is never acceptable. We all deserve basic human respect. Start treating yourself like you do.
If you notice someone is trying to push you around, humiliate, or use you, even subtly, assert yourself. Cut off those who continue to disrespect you, let them know why, and then move on.
