Your Life Is Designed to Surprise You So You Can Too
Losing a loved one to child marriage isn’t a nice surprise, however.
I have a common reply to most things, so I don’t waste time every time. My answer to a question on singleness is something you wouldn’t expect: “Mingle is pain. Single is gain.” But who knows the real pain, knows. Losing someone you love is more painful than not falling in love.
I met him at a startup where I work. He makes life easier for everyone. He works harder than me. I act cool; he is cool. He’s also the topper of his class. I can’t handle both class and startup together at the same time. How do you do it, man?
Something was coming his way he didn’t expect. Okay, he expected but was afraid.
Life took a turn in his life. His close cousin who was his best friend was getting married in a few days. It was during his exams, unexpected. They planned something big for her but couldn’t. He wasn’t ready for this marriage but was happy for her. The groom was a fit she chose.
He had different plans for his marriage, however. He was already working to achieve that. YouTubers he loved would be the chief guest. Some top celebrities would be a must. He’s kind enough to invite our team, too.
During his sister’s wedding function, he felt something bad was going to happen. He just didn’t know what.
A notification was the start. To future sadness. He was back home from the wedding. A friend asks, “Bro, you know she is married?” He felt it was a joke, but he got a little unconscious.
But the friend then says she got married to his cousin’s friend’s elder brother. He didn’t bother. Yet.
Then comes another knock. It was her relative, his friend. Now it felt real. He was the friend of the first friend, so he still felt they both were kidding together.
Another knock made it all clear. It was her elder sister. She was his classmate and the only person from her family who supports their relationship.
The number of messages he received that day won’t even fit 23 Australia’s truck. Everyone knows about their relationship in the village. They were 16 and 15.
The next day was harder. The teachers ask her sister about this. Everybody knows about this marriage. That was a shock for him.
But he doesn’t have any proof of the wedding yet. Someone sent him her bridal picture, alone. Her smile feels fake. Is it because someone was deliberately kidding him or because of a forced marriage?
He didn’t know. He can’t even know. “But 100 people won’t lie.”
They are in the same village, but they can’t even talk. She blocked him. She started acting weird a few weeks before this incident.
She was actually afraid to lose him.
He spent the least time with her. He was working harder for her. He just didn’t show her. She once told him her parents are forcibly getting her married. He just told “I’ll marry you, soon” because he knew he had time. That might have not felt convincing enough to her.
Her parents know about their relationship too. They just say, “everyone does this kind of mistake in their teenage years.”
The sad part is, her family doesn’t hate him. They just hate his family. He had to suffer for this. Way too soon.
Her family wanted to get her married to someone having a government job after four years. She’s just 15 now. They did just that. But sooner. The groom she married is a policeman. Maybe he broke the laws by having a child marriage. He might lose his position. Her parents' dream could be over if someone files a case.
“I won’t be able to keep all your words but I’ll fulfil your dream and become a pilot. If God wills, I’ll succeed. I’ll try my best.” That was her last message to him.
Now he didn’t even have her cousin sister aka his best friend by his side. Especially at night. He was alone.
But now revitalized.
The Revitalization After the Harsh Tragedy
He’s fully ignited now. Now he’ll work on achieving his goals a little better, not faster. He’ll take time but go smoother. He says, “now I feel I have more time.”
His goal is to graduate from MIT or Harvard and do something like Elon Musk. He is fascinated with space travel since childhood. He also wants to start a company in his country because engineers don’t get what they deserve there. “They need a good company so they can do something good for the country,” he says.
He also wants to work on global warming and plant more trees: “I want to plant trees too. A lot. A lot. A lot.”
Now his main goal is to happily achieve all his goals and dreams and provide for his family.
He advises this:
“It’s bad to get into a relationship with someone of your age. Even if you do, spend more time with them. Show you care. Don’t just tell. Give time daily or at least weekly. I didn’t even message her for months. Don’t be me.”
I was the most shocked to hear this. On 8th March I shared him a Happy Women’s Day post and wrote “Special mention to her. We’re always incomplete without you.”
He replies with: “She got married,” with a smiley emoji.
He says I was the first one he messaged regarding this last day. Then he thought what’s the point of sharing it, so he removed the message.
He tells me he was sad the first two days but now laughs when he thinks about the pain. Because of pain.
He says he did sense something of this kind was coming. He was afraid. His cousin too had a great relationship with someone but was marrying a different person. He thought she might do the same. She did. On the same day he thought. On the same day her sister was getting married. He couldn’t do anything.
The tragedy is, his sister’s marriage remains a trigger for the pain no matter how much he is revitalized.
I once told him a few things when he told me she blocked him for no reason. Maybe it helps you.
I’m crazy. Don’t take me seriously. You just think before acting completely:
1. If someone blocks you without reason, she wants to block your life from progress. If someone loves you, she pushes you forward. She knows you’ll be tensed without knowing the actual reason. You can’t work harder when you’re tensed. She didn’t tell the reason so just think about that.
2. If someone blocks you without reason, she is testing you. She wants to see how much you love her and whether you find other ways to talk with her.
3. If someone blocks you without reason, she needs time to think. She is tensed. Maybe about the other marriage. Because she loves you. She needs time to think about whether her decision is right. Whether she should go with you or her parent’s decision.
You face pain in true love. Pain is cool for two reasons:
1. Pain brings out true colours. Pain shows the depth of your relationship.
2. Pain becomes a story when the relationship succeeds later.
What I understood from her last message you shared:
She is feeling insecure. She knows you love her. She knows she loves you. But she is afraid of getting married to someone else. Maybe you never told her you are working hard "for her."
He told me she knows he is working hard for her.
Letting her know isn’t enough. You have to show it too. When you show, you show security. There’s hope, not guessing. There’s trust. She isn’t able to trust you. She knows you are working hard but she doesn’t know whether you are actually working hard or ignoring her.
He replies even he isn’t able to believe he can achieve something great in four years.
That’s the reason. You don’t believe so you aren’t making her believe. She was expecting that belief.
Life surprises you sometimes so you can too, after the cool revitalization.