3 Arbitrary Things That Deeply Affect Our Lives
The random things in life that we take for granted and how they affect us.
A few weeks ago, I stopped in the middle of my sentence “ I would never join XYZ company, I had such a bad experience with their HR during the recruiting process. You know….”. I was speaking to a friend.
The look on my friend’s face was a harsh reminder of how entitled I sounded. He would have given me an arm and leg to be in my shoes, The company I was talking about is one of the most renowned technology innovation companies in the world.
It was time to check my privileges and take note of the random things that affect our lives deeply and I have taken for granted.
Where and when we are born
I sometimes try to imagine what it would be like to be born in the nineteen thirties, as a Bengali woman in colonial India under British rule.
That was my grandmother’s life. She survived the war for independence in India, moved to India as a refugee during the partition, and lost all her property and loved ones in the newly formed country of Bangladesh that she left behind. She was married off after she finished high school and had seven children.
The aggregate of country, society, community, family, race, gender, and era that we are born into influences our lives to a large extent.
For me personally, being born in a middle-class family in an Indian city with parents who have college degrees meant I had access to all basic resources from birth. While I am not a fan of the one-eyed vision of Slumdog Millionaire, I am acutely aware of the stark differences in the society around me. While living in the US for a few years in my twenties, my awareness of race and being a minority underwent a sea change.
When I had to go back to work after six months of government-mandated maternity leave in India, I had mixed feelings. I felt envious of my Norwegian counterparts who could take up to a year off to take care of a new baby. At the same time, I felt thankful for the mandated six months I got, which I discovered was not the norm in a lot of countries.
Yet, where and when we are born looks like a lottery, a random stroke of luck. Some say it is karma, but that is surely up for debate.
Every time my path crosses someone’s in day-to-day life, who might have been less fortunate than me in this aspect, this reminder humbles me.
I could have been that person.
Having a sound mind
I grew up in a society where parents and students were hyper-competitive about academics.
I didn’t know what it was like to not have a care for the world and just enjoy being, for most of my teenage years. Failure was not taken well and was seen as a sign of incompetence. I saw some of the brightest teenagers succumb to this pressure and have nervous breakdowns.
Later in life, I saw some of my close ones suffer from depression and other mental illnesses. They were triggered by life events, genetic predisposition, and some without any apparent reason.
Personally, I got a mild taste of it for a few months right after the birth of my son, when I suffered from extremely foggy memory and high sensitivity. I was aware that this did not feel normal and got a glimpse of how the experience of life could completely change with the state of our mind.
I learned life happens mostly inside our minds.
Beauty
I was catching up with a few friends at a wedding.
Our beautiful, successful friend Simran was narrating her story of how she divorced her former husband, happened to reunite with her long-lost college boyfriend, and was now engaged to him. Another friend, Jaya exclaimed “ That’s because you are this package, Simran! You would always have suitors! Most people don’t leave because they are too afraid to be alone.”
What Jaya said has some truth to it, though I personally feel, that fear of being alone is not a good reason to be in an unhappy marriage. However, we often see people being treated differently because they are attractive. People get different kinds of opportunities and access based on their looks.
I am not talking about just the advantage of finding many options for a potential partner, which in itself is a big thing. In general, people like looking at people who they consider beautiful and tend to include them in their social circle which in turn opens many doors.
There is some unconscious programming in us that tend to associate good looks with positive attributes in a person. It starts from an early age with beautiful princesses and handsome princes who defeat ugly monsters and save the world.
Popular culture and movies only bolster this concept as we grow up. It is harder for us to relate to the Shreks around us.
I am sure the list does not end here and people in different situations can account for more.
Making a mental note of these three random things helped me keep myself grounded. Having privileges is great but recognizing them as privileges helps me appreciate what I have.
