Demand and support. The universal patterns of leadership
Being a leader is a common action, often associated with work but applicable to various aspects of life, including home. Whether in a managerial position or as a parent, teacher, or coach, the fundamental principles of leadership remain similar. In each scenario, the task is to guide a group towards success, albeit success may be defined differently.
Often, individuals exhibit a one-dimensional view. They believe that being demanding precludes showing respect and care simultaneously. Conversely, they assume that setting boundaries and being consistent implies disregarding the issues and emotions of those under our care.
A universal approach to good leadership involves being both demanding and supportive, caring personally while also establishing boundaries.
Radical Condor
In her insightful book “Radical Candor: Be a Kick-Ass Boss Without Losing Your Humanity” Kim Scott illustrates how the concepts of demandingness and supportiveness can intersect effectively in the workplace.
Radical candor is about striking a balance between caring personally and challenging directly when providing feedback or guidance to others. It emphasizes the importance of being honest and straightforward with feedback while also demonstrating genuine care and concern for the individual’s growth and well-being.
In the context of leadership, applying radical candor means being able to offer constructive criticism or guidance while still maintaining a supportive and empathetic attitude towards those you lead. This approach encourages open communication where team members feel valued and empowered to grow.
Wise parenting
In her book “Grit: The Power of Passion and Perseverance”, Angela Duckworth also emphasizes a similar approach to parenting, highlighting the importance of balancing demands with support. She advocates for wise parenting, which involves a combination of setting high expectations while also providing the necessary encouragement and assistance for children to succeed.
Neglectful parenting involves a lack of involvement and attention to a child’s needs. Permissive parenting is characterized by lenient and indulgent behavior with too few rules and boundaries. Authoritarian parenting is defined by strict rules, high demands, and little warmth or responsiveness, often leading to a hierarchical parent-child relationship with limited room for dialogue or negotiation. Wise (authoritative) parenting combines warmth and support with clear expectations and consistent discipline.
Becky Kennedy, a parenting expert, echoes a similar approach to leadership and parenting. During an interview on Adam Grant’s podcast, she emphasized the importance of parents having a clear understanding of their responsibilities. She highlighted that the primary goal of a parent is not solely to ensure their child’s happiness but rather to establish boundaries (being demanding) while also validating their child’s experiences (being supportive). This balanced approach fosters healthy development and resilience in children.
Being demanding
Regardless of the context, it’s essential to establish a level of expectations that provide direction while also allowing room for autonomy. With children, this means implementing rules that ensure safety while also allowing them to learn through trial and error. Similarly, in the workplace, when managing people, it’s important to set certain requirements for employees while also permitting them the freedom to choose their individual approaches to problem-solving. That approach fosters a sense of ownership and encourages accountability.
Excessive rules or requirements can result in micromanagement, stifling creativity and motivation. Conversely, the absence of rules can lead to confusion, insecurity, and demotivation. We must strive to find a balanced approach that provides enough guidance without stifling autonomy or overwhelming restrictions.
Being supportive
Being supportive always requires building a foundation of respect. With children, this means fostering a close relationship built on love and trust. At the same time, in the workplace, it involves maintaining a professional attitude and caring about the success and well-being of individuals.
In both parenting and professional environments, providing feedback respectfully is essential for fostering growth and maintaining positive relationships. Feedback serves as a demonstration of our care, interest, and acknowledgment of the person’s significance in our lives or within the context of our interactions.
In parenting, respectful feedback involves acknowledging a child’s efforts and achievements while also gently guiding them toward improvement. This might include praising their accomplishments, offering constructive criticism in a supportive manner, and actively listening to their perspectives and concerns. Respectful feedback helps build trust between parent and child, encourages open communication, and teaches children how to accept feedback positively.
Similarly, in the workplace, offering feedback respectfully is vital for maintaining morale, motivation, and productivity among team members. This involves recognizing and appreciating employees’ contributions, constructively providing criticism, and being receptive to their input and ideas.
Conclusion
Being a good leader involves a delicate balance of being both demanding and supportive, caring personally while also setting boundaries. It’s about guiding and inspiring others toward a common goal while also nurturing their growth and well-being. This approach can indeed be applied universally to foster success and harmony within any group or organization.
The core principles of good leadership apply across age groups. Whether leading adults or children, the fundamental framework remains universal. Effective communication, empathy, setting clear expectations, providing support, and fostering a positive environment are key aspects of leadership that can be implemented regardless of the group’s age. Adjustments may be needed in communication style or methods of motivation, but the underlying principles remain consistent.
If the fundamental principles of leadership are universal, we can effectively apply the insights gained from both work and family experiences to improve our abilities as both parents and employees.
