The Fear Controversy: Choose Great or Powerless Mind & Spirit
Navigate Powerful Emotions: Part 1
Fear greatly impacts your perception of reality.
It is true. It is indeed one of the strongest core feelings that you and I can possess or be possessed by. Fear reprograms your mind and it strongly determines your life experiences.
Fear is the epitome of what you are either chasing or constantly running away from.
And as much as you chase or run away from your fear, the more resilient, or on the contrary, the more submissive you eventually become.
With that being said, let me introduce you to a deeper understanding of fear. And in particular, how to deal with fear in a way that can actually empower your life performance.
Why are we so deeply shaped by fear?
What is the core of fear? It is still an emotion after all. And in other terminology, emotion is an instinct. Fear makes us avoid danger. And thus obviously, fear is our survival instinct. A very powerful one. It can’t be argued that it can surpass our other dominant instincts, like the need to feed or sex drive.
Fear is subconscious.
Fear takes over our conscious mind and communicates. Fear is a messenger. Messenger of something that we perceive as danger. Without fear, there would be no hindrance in our decision to jump out of the roof of a skyscraper, no need to run if a tsunami or a wildfire is pacing in our direction. Without fear, we could not experience any natural alarm signal of the possibility of sudden death.
Fear is good at its core.
It keeps us alive, safe, and away from the grip of death.
It helps us adapt to the hostility of the outer world.
So why on Earth do we feel fear many times even if there is no imminent danger?
I keep asking myself that question because many times I feel it.
That crippling feeling that chills my spine when I write that e-mail… When I talk to that person... When I learn that new skill… When I speak in public…
I feel it’s agonizing power.
And I just freeze. For almost no reason at all!
Fear sometimes paralyzes me and makes my mind stuck in one place. Rationally it just doesn’t make sense.
Unless there is something more to uncover…
How familiar sounds this below?
I must not fear.
Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will allow it to pass over me and through me and when it is gone I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the fear has gone, there will be nothing, only I will remain.
As a fan of Frank Herbert and The Dune saga, I could not help myself but to use litany against fear to navigate this challenging topic. But probably not in the way you imagine. Bluntly speaking, do I like the overall message of this litany? Let’s say, not so much.
Why? My concern lays in the interpretation. I do not appreciate the idea, that fear is being portrayed as a driver to the obliteration of our minds and free will. Instead, fear can become a powerful tool when used right.
I believe fear can be good for me, as long as it serves my purpose.
However, sometimes I might not be aware of what kind of purpose it serves. That’s what makes me get owned by my fear, instead of owning it.
I believe fear helps me become more aware of my personal needs, including those that I have subconsciously suppressed.
This is a big deal for me and should be a big deal for you as well.
Here’s why.
Fear Unlocks Suppressed Potential
As much as we are human, we are social creatures. We create social structures and social structures recreate us. The social environment reshapes our habits, opinions, desires, and yes indeed, our fear. We may never imagine, what we could possibly be or become if we were raised for example in different families, cultures, or social hierarchies. That’s how powerful social structures are. Does that mean that social structures serve us for our benefit?
I think, you already know the answer. Each coin has two sides. There is Light, and there is Shadow.
From the lens of Light, social structures were created for the survival of mankind. Without social bonds, our mental health would suffer. Social communities accumulate wisdom, wealth, power, and our shared experiences. Without social structures, we could not be successful in finding our spouses and in raising our future offspring. Without social structures, normal life as we know it could not even continue.
From the lens of Shadow, social structures may be manipulative and create an environment of distress and oppression. Overall competition, norms, standards, and expectations make us adapt, eventually. Sometimes it even leads to a decision to deny our own essential needs for the sake of pleasing somebody or fulfilling what was expected. Many of those decisions could have happened during our early years in childhood, and unknowingly, we might be copying them during our adulthood.
When we try to face that, this is usually where the fear hits in. It is a fear of our shadow, our suppressed nature, our desires, that were probably never fulfilled, or memories that feel unsafe to rewind. It is basically our trauma.
The problem is, our trauma disintegrates us. We only allow the Light side to emerge and to truly live. Whatever is left in the Dark side, remains suppressed and unaware. It doesn’t mean that it’s gone though, and sooner or later it still may come back to the surface.
Practically, our shadow is our part of our own self, that we have never allowed ourselves to truly experience. It is something we do not consciously control, yet it subconsciously controls us.
To acknowledge our trauma, or our shadow in other words, we have to invest our time and energy to face our fears. Especially those fears that seem to be detached from imminent danger and make no rational sense. They can become the gateways to the realm of our subconscious mind, where our suppressed potential is hidden.
More about the shadow work principles is described in a video down below:
Fear Amplifies Determination
How many times in life do we struggle to define our goals? Is it challenging to define our perspective on how our life should look in the next few years or during an upcoming season?
That discomfort, which we often feel when deciding to make plans is preconditioned by our fear of failure. In that case, fear easily becomes our inhibitor. Until… we face our fear straight away and begin to ask the right questions.
Remember, fear is an instinct. It is driven by action and reaction. Sometimes we choose passivity as a reaction. Therefore, passivity is a choice, not a condition. When fear warns us of our dangers and threats, because that’s what fear does, we can also “explore” the safe terrain of our possible choices. We do not need to see the visible threats and dangers as something to avoid by all means, but rather as conditions that can be changed and adjusted when taken by the right measures.
From that point of view, fear becomes just another tool at play. It is an indicator that reminds you of what you might be missing. Tim Ferris in his Ted-Talk described this strategy as a fear projection that consists of three steps.
Firstly, define what you are afraid of and describe it as concretely as possible.
Secondly, define what can be done to prevent the danger you might be facing.
Thirdly, define the possible process of repair, if everything goes wrong after all.
Before you even realize it, you have already been caught in planning your future with strong determination. How simple and powerful fear can be when approached right, right?
Fear Empowers You For The Challenge
Fear is indeed a stress response. Stress is a complex mechanism of adaptation to uncomfortable and challenging situations. For years, stress has been understood as an enemy of mental and physical health.
But, similarly to fear, stress is instead just a conditional response. Not necessarily an enemy.
More likely, stress will slowly adapt to kill you if you believe that stress has that power. But if you embrace your stress responses and claim them as tools that help you adapt to the situation, the prognosis is suddenly very different. How you think about stress matters.
Just like any other stressful response, fear indicates the challenge that you are facing and points toward the direction of the potential solution. Fear can be experienced in a good way, but also in a bad way.
Inspired by the great Ted-Talk speech by Kelly McGonigal, I will describe it as follows:
Embracing fear leads to integration. It helps you to adapt to the situation and makes you more alert. It wakes you up and gives you enough energy and motivation to concentrate. That is a positive conditioned response. It creates harmony and integrity in your mind and also in your body. In that case, stress works on your behalf and is beneficial for you.
Rejecting fear leads to isolation. It creates a sense of void, which is capable of disintegrating your thought process. Your mind becomes clouded and your stress response becomes unbearable and overwhelming. The feeling of impending doom starts to manifest with no clue how to stop it. That is a negative conditioned response. It creates disharmony in your mind and body and potentially can have traumatizing effects.
Fear Teaches You How To Listen and Connect
Are you afraid of vulnerability? I bet most of us are.
But why, actually? Let us be reminded again, that fear in itself is just a conditional response. A survival instinct. Nothing more.
What condition gives fear enough power to make us run away from the sense of vulnerability? To shed some light on that question, let me ask another question. What vulnerability is in the first place?
Vulnerability can be described as a condition, where we are capable of experiencing shame or rejection from other people. Again, we are social creatures. Fear is a survival instinct that helps us to adapt to the surrounding environment and society. So, fear of rejection makes sense. At least sort of…
However, what if this is not a predetermined condition, what if it is actually a choice? Should we avoid rejection? Is shame worthy to be feared? How do we know, that our survival instinct teaches us the right lesson?
To find an answer, another Ted-Talk by Brené Brown provided me with a thought-provoking response. Accepting your own vulnerability makes you win your true life back. Yes, I said it. Let me explain.
Fear as an instinct is blind. It operates on conditions that we perceive according to our choices of viewing our reality. Fear does not teach us anything valuable unless we choose to.
According to the study by Brené Brown, people with the capability to accept their vulnerability were characterized by these traits:
- They claimed themselves to be worthy of love, despite their weaknesses and personal flaws
- They approached challenging life situations with compassion and gratitude
- They accepted unconditional love as a default mode of living, claiming that love is worth trying and fighting for, even though there is no true guarantee of loving back
On the other hand, people who did not share these traits also did not accept their personal vulnerability. Shocking? I don’t think so. Rejecting our personal vulnerability makes us emotionally plain and possessive of control. Instead of enjoying our lives, we become rather prisoners of our own social anxiety. This leads to feelings of void, sadness, and depression in the long run.
Overall, claiming back your vulnerability emerges as a strategy for how to live a more empathetic, free, and joyful life.
Is Fear A Curse or A Blessing?
From this moment on, I do not believe that fear is either a curse or a blessing. It is simply an instinct, that will be as much harmful, or as much productive as I choose it to be.
The responsibility lies on my shoulders, and that is a good thing. It is a part of becoming more mature.
What does fear teach you about yourselves?
What did change your mind about the perception of fear after reading this post?
Let me know in the comments.
Thank You so much for reading this till the end
