Have You Smiled at a Stranger who You are Attracted to on the Street?
I don’t like my smile. The teeth are not white enough, there is no dimple, my eyes are not twinkling, and the wrinkles of age appear.
But one incident in Australia changed my mind.
The first time I went to Perth, I lived in a 12-person room. There were six bunk beds, kind of reminding me of a crowded prison scene in a movie, but with that price along with the laundry service, I couldn’t complain more.
After nearly two weeks, I still couldn’t find a job, so one day I just slept until 6 PM without thinking anything. The first thing popped into my mind when I woke up was food.
A simple and pleasant reason to go outside made me feel that night was particularly gentle. Air was breezing with hope. The darkness made this infertile countryside hospitable.
I walked past a person who was taller than me over two heads. I instinctively raised my head and showed this person a smile. Though it was at night, he got the vibe of a shiny surfer and was boyish cute with a manly five o’clock shadow. Normally, I would be ignored by attractive guys, like I was mere an air, and I was used to it.
He didn’t respond, and I thanked the darkness for covering up my ugly smile and kept walking feeling embarrassed and hating myself.
Then, an energetic, manly, and confident yell from behind, “You are beautiful!”
I was frozen and my mind was blank white. I didn’t dare to turn around since I knew what he said wasn’t true. I didn’t want him to find out the true face by the second look. I wanted him to keep that scene filtered by the cozy darkness or a Vietnam supermarket beside when we passed. I also missed the time to say, “Thank you.”
I started thinking about the past. Every time I saw a guy, I was attracted to coming my way, I would pretend not to see them and stare directly at the front, like I was walking to a determined goal. I never dared to look any guy in the eyes. Well, I still don’t right now.
But I think I’ll practice smiling and seeing into a person’s eyes I’m attracted to instead of feeling ashamed of not being beautiful enough to do that.
It was nearly five years ago, and I’m still trying.
