I Survived Office Drama
To my charming ex-colleagues Jade and Michael
“Wow, such a cute lock screen, is that your cat’s photo?” Jade said with a high-pitched voice.
Shit, Jade! You scared the shit out of me. Can you stop making such a fuss?
“Thank you, Jade. Yes, it is my cat, Ruby,” I forced a smile.
Jade was my ex-colleague sitting next to me. We were not very close, but she was a real chatterbox, always ready to chat with anyone, even me, although I preferred to keep things low-key in the office. And she would tell me a lot of office gossip, including stuff about herself, whether I asked for it or not, just because I happened to sit next to her.
“Aww, so cute. I want to see more pictures of Ruby,” she said, not even bothering to get up from her chair, dragging it with her ass to my side and putting her face close to my phone screen.
Fuck off, Jade!
“Okay, let me check my photos to see if there are any. I rarely save pictures,” I said, biting my lower lip, and rolling my eyes inwardly.
I grabbed my phone with my other hand, inching it away from her sight, and sneakily flicked through my photos. I was terrified she’d stumble upon something scandalous and start shrieking about her discoveries to the entire office again. After all, there were indeed some rather scandalous things in my phone.
I found a picture and nervously handed her my phone, my eyes practically begging her not to swipe as if my life depended on it. Meanwhile, I was frantically scanning the room, half-expecting a parade of nosy colleagues to suddenly appear out of nowhere and join in. And then, I saw him, the most obnoxious colleague, Michael, glaring at me.
What’s good, Michael?
Michael was the office bitch, bitching everyone. However, he was also Jade’s boyfriend, Secretly, of course(Jade told me. At our company, dating among employees, especially those in the same department, was not permitted).
While Jade could be a bit disagreeable as a chatterbox, she deserved someone better.
As soon as our eyes met, I quickly looked away from Michael. I made up an excuse to Jade, telling her I needed to make a call, and hastily grabbed the phone from her before getting up and walking to the hallway.
As I leaned against the hallway wall, scrolling through my phone, Michael’s annoying voice suddenly came from behind me.
Give me a break! You two are such a pain in the neck!
I turned and looked at him.
“What were you doing with Jade?” Michael said angrily.
Hello to you, asshole.
“What are you talking about?” I said with a shrug and an awkward smile.
“Don’t play innocent. I saw you two chatting and laughing, looking all chummy.” He said more aggressively.
“Oh, I see. I was showing her pictures of my cat. She seemed to like them,” I forced a smile.
Just get the fuck out of my face, Michael.
“Could you not?!” he said.
“Could I not what, Michael?” I said impatiently, gesturing with my hands.
“Oh, come on. You know what I mean. Stop flirting with my girlfriend. You do this all the fucking time, I’m sick of it.” Michael said with frustration as he was a victim.
It seems that you don’t know your girlfriend very well, you asshole. She is the one who is pestering me, okay?
“What? Jade is your girlfriend?” I pretended to be shocked, opening my mouth wide and making the most shocked face I could muster.
“Yes, Jade is my girlfriend.” He said proudly.
“Shhh, shut the fuck up, Michael. Do you want to get reported? Do you want to get Jade in trouble?” I gave him a stern look and whispered.
“Well, I don’t care if you report me. Just stay away from my girlfriend,” he said, casting a sideways glance at me to assert his dominance.
You’re acting like a clown!
“Fine, fine. Look, I won’t report you, but you have to trust me. I was just showing her pictures of my cat, and I never flirted with your girlfriend, okay?” I slowed down my voice and said calmly.
“Look, this is the photo I showed her.” I handed my phone to him.
“Get this thing out of my face. I don’t trust you!” He said impatiently, then slapped my phone out of my hand.
“What the fuck?” I said angrily as I bent over to pick up my phone. To my surprise, I also noticed that Jade was standing behind the door, listening to our conversation.
“Hi, Jade,” I casually said.
“Jade?” Michael’s face paled as he turned to look at her.
Finally, you fuck!
“I think we need to talk,” Jade said to Michael, her poker face betraying nothing.
They didn’t break up, but thankfully, Jade stopped bothering me. As for Michael, he continued to glare from time to time, as he did with everyone.
