If Confrontation Fears Have Turned You into a Pushover, Here Are Confidence-Boosting Suggestions
Have you ever experienced fear when attempting to confront someone? It’s not necessarily about physical size but the apprehension that they might push you around, regardless of their size.
Let me illustrate this fear through a story about Charlie in the Me, Myself and Irene movie. Eighteen years ago, Charlie embarked on a promising career as a Rhode Island police officer while embracing the excitement of a new marriage. However, his happiness was short-lived as his wife’s affections shifted to their wedding limo driver. Unaware of the betrayal, Charlie’s world took a turn when his wife, giving birth to triplets with a color gene inherited from their father, left him for her true love.
Struggling with the aftermath, Charlie, once respected as a police officer, became a pushover. In the neighborhood, disrespect extended to his property, with neighbors allowing their dogs to defile Charlie’s yard. Despite the lack of regard, Charlie remained silent.
The plot thickened when Charlie developed dissociative identity disorder, introducing a more assertive person named Hank. Contrary to Charlie’s gentle nature, Hank was ruthless. The dichotomy between Charlie’s past as a disregarded police officer and his present internal struggle with Hank added a layer of complexity to his story.
Well, I don’t think you need to go crazy like Charlie did. Instead of just confronting them, he went numb. Yes, he lost his wife and the kids are not his, and that is why he went numb all these years. Well, I don’t think you need to be like Charlie, waiting until you get some disorder to be brave and confront your problems.
Here are some ways to make it easier for you:
1. Physical Exercise: Working out can significantly boost your confidence, not for fighting but to enhance self-assurance. Focus on workouts that develop your arm muscles. Even if you have 10 minutes, do some heavy lifting for 10 minutes. It will bring you big changes if you keep doing this in the long run.
2. Supportive Friends: Surround yourself with friends who honestly point out when you’re being taken advantage of. Their feedback can fuel your courage. Although it’s not advisable to let friends confront the issue for you, because you didn’t face your fear if your friend is facing your problems.
3. Remind yourself: 'I want to be remembered as someone who faced fear head-on, especially in situations that should be straightforward.' Imagine telling your grandchildren about your youth. Do you want the memory to be about avoiding confrontation? What if the same situation arises with a family member? Advocate for yourself, setting an example even if it feels challenging.
4. Consider this: if someone else were in your position, they might have stood up. Others around you recognize you won’t speak up – they don’t view it as a concern. You shy away from confrontation due to guilt and a desire for appreciation, often finding yourself at a loss for words.
Think about how these individuals might respond if they were in your shoes. Have you considered how they would feel if they weren’t as passive as Charlie? Most people aren’t pushovers.
Remember, giving your honest opinion is crucial. Nice people shouldn’t fear expressing their thoughts, even if they aren’t always positive. Pushovers tend to avoid speaking up or only provide positive feedback to please everyone.
