DIARY
Off The Life — Insights as I Approach 30
Now I am at the doorstep of turning 30, starting to realize that from now on, every day becomes more challenging, heavier.
My mind is slowly becoming restless. Everyone around me seems successful. It looks like they have found their path.
Some people seem to have accepted their fate. These are the ones who stopped dreaming, stopped living.
Initially, when you look at them, you might perceive them as happy, perhaps even seen them passionately expressing themselves on social media.
But when you sit with them for just 20 minutes, you understand they are just empty souls.
I find myself in between these two. I am in the middle of the ocean called life.
There is only one way I can go: either start accepting that whatever happens to me is all because of God’s will, akin to the teachings of the Gita, Quran, or Bible. ‘If you are unsuccessful, not getting what you want, facing struggles — it’s due to bad karma.’
Or, start focusing on how to become myself again.
This is the hard part — finding a way towards what you want to do. There are so many ‘what ifs’, so much uncertainty. Life is like a cricket game; on the field, every despair, every sorrow is small; you have to play big. That’s a quote I got from the film ‘Shabas Mitthu.’
So, I am searching. There are so many things I want to do, but time is limited. I have to take small steps and start from scratch once again.
For all those in a similar position like me, I want to tell you that we have to start. Be ready to fall, be ready to rise.
In the morning, the sun shines brightly, spreading yellow light all around. There are tiny drops of water on the leaves that sparkle in the sunlight. Everyone starts doing their things, getting busy with the day.
I also start my day, even though I don’t really feel like it. But in my head, I’m searching for something.
The morning looks peaceful, but inside, I’m thinking a lot. While everything seems normal outside, I’m trying to figure things out within myself.
You sensed that you should be following a different path, a more ambitious one, you felt that you were destined for other things but you had no idea how to achieve them and in your misery you began to hate everything around you.
― Fyodor Dostoyevsky
