Raising Children With an Inherited Parenting Style

To be a good parent and raise a successful child, you must understand parenting styles and how to apply them to children’s development. The good news is that starting is never too late

Afzal Badshah, PhD
4 min readJan 6


Photo by Josh Willink: https://www.pexels.com/photo/woman-with-brown-baby-carrier-and-little-kid-in-white-jacket-701014/

The parents I have seen around me either control their children in an authoritarian manner or completely ignore them. Both of these approaches are harmful to children. Neglected children are spoiled early in life, and children raised under authoritarianism are spoiled later in life. I have observed that inherited parenting is used by maximum parents to raise their children. This method of inheritance gives no value to the child. It says that the stricter you are with the child, the better the child will be, which is completely wrong.

To be a good parent and raise a successful child, they must understand parenting styles and how to apply them to their children’s development. Parents are generally divided into four categories which are;

  1. Authoritarian style
  2. Authoritative style
  3. Ignoring style
  4. Permissive style

About 800 children study in my school and I have been busy with their education for the last 13 years. During this, I have closely observed and explored the parents-children relationship. I am very sorry to say that I found this relationship very weak. The main issue I noticed is that parents are using only inherited parenting and are not aware of the other.

The weakness of this relationship is having a terrible effect on the child, and on our society also. Children who do not get quality time from their parents in childhood have significantly lower IQ levels than other children. Especially those children who suffer from isolation from their parents and they are not playing their part properly in their upbringing.

What I observed at school

Every month, a parent-teacher meeting was held at the school. Parents were called to school by phone or in any other means so that they might be involved in their children’s education in some way. Many parents did not know which class their child was in during these discussions. In this situation, the full list of schools should be researched in order to assign them a progress card. The grievance register was an integral part of the School. Children’s complaints were recorded there and often parents were called to the school to take care of their children. One such time a father was called and the complaints recording his child were shown to him. He said, “Look, I lived the life I was meant to live.” It’s their own life and how they live it is their problem. I can’t waste my life worrying so much about them. If the parents neglect the children to this extent, how can they be educated and how can they become useful members of society? To be a good parent and raise a good child, it is necessary to change and adapt these styles according to time and circumstances.

When Android mobile phones were new, they were very expensive and few people had them. One day a middle-class kid came with an expensive smartphone. On inquiry, it was found that he did not belong to a rich family, but he was independent in his decisions and that of the family. When he had so much money in his hands, he had to spend it on himself first. Being independent in his decisions, that child could not study. At the time I am writing these memoirs, he is the head of his own household, has children of his own, and can hardly find work.

I knew a father who was very authoritarian with his child. He had nothing to do with his child except getting good grades. The exams were held and the child’s grades were not good. He broke up and committed suicide out of fear of his father. Look around you in your society and you will find thousands of such examples.

How to start then

Take a sheet of paper and make two columns on it. Label one “good memories” and the other “bad memories.” Close your eyes for a moment and think about the childhood memories you have that make you feel bad and think that shouldn’t happen to anyone. Write it all down in the bad memories column. Now close your eyes again and think about the memories that give you a good feeling. Now write it down in the good memories column. Try to incorporate this into your parenting styles.

What works with your child probably won’t continue to work over time. As the age of the child grows, his world begins to expand. He slowly begins to recognize his parents and family members. As he goes through life, he begins to distinguish between good and evil. Therefore, it is important to change your parenting style according to the age and mentality of the child. It might take a lot of effort, patience, and honesty to improve the parenting approach. The good news is that starting is never too late. Any positive change you make can lead to better outcomes for your child.

To read more parenting skills, follow the list below

Parenting and Schooling-A Comprehensive Guide​

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Afzal Badshah, PhD

Dr Afzal Badshah focuses on academic skills, pedagogy (teaching skills) and life skills.