Returning To The Feminine
I once threw a small birthday party at home. A few friends came, and I rented the building's hall to accommodate people better. As I love to sing, I took the karaoke machine with me.
I was distracted trying to feed everyone and saw that the singing machine still needed to be turned on. I went near the TV to see how I could do that and one of my friends arrived to help me. He saw me confused, full of threads hanging, and thinking about how to do that. He said to give it to him, and he would do it. I automatically raised a barrier and said I could handle it; he didn't need to bother. He was uncomfortable, but he went with my answer and said something like I didn't want a man's help. I let it go, turned on the device, and left life happy. Victorious. I thought.
If I only knew how much that would make me think and regret. At that moment, I was a strong and independent woman. I was doing the things that men usually do without even needing help. I suffered that day, trying to manage everything at that party.
I ended the night exhausted and wondering if it was worth repeating that next year, especially when I found myself alone, cleaning and taking everything back to the apartment at 3 AM and with my feet hurting from high heels.
We were taught that we should be strong and courageous. To this day, the image of a masculine woman reverberates on social media, showing what we can do and write.
And yes, we can. But do we want it? We need? Are we forced to take on all the roles and smile about it?
Feminine strength has never been and will never be brute. At that moment - and in the following years - I lived alone and accumulated difficult tasks when performed by just one person.
Cooking healthy, washing and ironing, managing your finances, working, taking care of your children, and keeping your ass firm with exercise takes up "only" 10 minutes of your day. Ten minutes of that, plus just 10 minutes to read a few pages of a book, a few hours washing dishes, and more taking care of children who require 24 hours of attention.
The result was single women who didn't find a partner - only weak men. Married women who need to be mothers to their husbands and still pay the bills. Heavy, sick, and exhausted women. Cases and more cases of Burnout syndrome and a guilt that never ends.
We understand our power in the same way as that of men. We wear pants and wear masculine energy with ours. We compete with men - indoors or out. We become arrogant and exhausted, and worse, we are unhappy. Even more free than we thought.
This is because we sacrifice our nature in the process. The nature of nurturing, the nature of caring, the nature of loving. We mutilate our bodies with exaggerated botox - not that I'm against it, but what the hell is this facial harmonization thing - but we don't nourish ourselves. And we accumulate divorces and toxic relationships because we insist on putting a square in the space of a ball.
When I decided I wanted my feminine back, it was painful. Admitting the sexist society - which belittles women's things - and being resistant to it isn't easy. For many years, I was rejected and teased for being too feminine for wearing ruffles and frills. Until I decided that I needed to be practical and stop menstruating, I was wrong; I don't want this anymore.
Being a woman means being light, and I'm learning to have a busy routine while still not feeling overwhelmed and learning to delegate and demand manly attitudes from men. It's difficult, but today, I look into the eyes of someone who didn't hold a door for me with an ugly face. This is the teaching we must pass on to men and boys. Women are meant to be protected and cared for, and now I'm starting to allow that.
And that changes everything: our relationships, our entire daily lives. Going to dance class without guilt - or thinking that I should be attending to another client at that time and not feeling so "fresh"- has already changed my mood.
I accept kindnesses and gifts just because I am a woman, and I am back to cooking with the pleasure of nourishing myself and my family. This polo is delicious and light—respectful and humble. I'm much happier with it.
Thanks for reading!!!
