Single? Stop Looking For the “Right One”
Instead, focus on becoming the “right one”.
Opposites Do Not Attract:
Energy attracts its mirror.
You know that old saying, “opposites attract”? Well, forget it! That is the worst relationship advice ever.
Relationships are all about energy; the compatibility of two people’s energy.
In humans, energy attracts the same energy. Yes, that means both good and bad energy.
An angry person will attract another angry person.
A jealous person will attract jealousy.
A patient person will attract patience.
A highly sexual person will attract high sexuality.
I have a dear friend who is one of the shrewdest businesswomen I know. She has a very interesting test she employs to decide if she will actually go into a business deal with someone: she meets their significant other.
Before my friend will sign onto any new business venture or hire a key employee she organizes a small dinner party for the person and their significant other.
Her reasoning is this: Energy attracts “like” energy. Energy attracts other energy just like itself.
Sometimes people are good at masking certain negative character traits of their personality, especially if they are trying to get something they want in a business deal. But when you meet a person’s significant other, oftentimes you can see a character trait in sharper relief. Good or bad, seeing the couple together gives you a more complete picture of the energy with which you are dealing.
My friend has done business this way for over 30 years. It’s brilliant. It’s effective. It never fails to give her the answers she needs to make a final decision.
Our Energy
The things we cannot see are the most powerful.
Oftentimes, the things which we cannot see are the most powerful. It is one of the great ironies of life.
Energy is one of those things.
Each one of us carries our own unique “energy cocktail”; essentially a mixture of our thoughts and emotions.
Each organ in the human body possesses an electromagnetic field that radiates out from that organ. The heart possesses the largest such field. It radiates out 6 feet in all directions. That means that if you are standing within 6 feet of a person your heart energy field is bumping up against their heart energy field. Well, hello there!
Ever walk into a room and “feel” the tension? Energy!
Ever sit next to someone and suddenly feel more peaceful and relaxed? Energy!
Ever meet someone for the first time and love them, like really love them, as if they were your long lost best friend? Energy! Your energy and theirs were highly compatible.
Ever meet someone that gave you the creepy crawlies for no good reason; you just did not like them for some unexplainable reason? Energy! Their energy was not a good match for yours.
Change Your Energy and Change Your Life.
I once had a client who wanted to find a mate. Successful as well as kindhearted; she was as beautiful on the inside as she was on the outside.
“I don’t feel this deep void in my life because I am single or anything. I just function better when I am in a relationship. I do better in all areas of life when I have a partner”, she said to me in one of our earliest coaching sessions.
Great! A client who knows what she wants. But why did she need my help? Beautiful…Successful…Caring…Out-going….what was I missing?
She had no problem meeting men or getting asked out on a date. The problem: she got stood up ALL…..THE….TIME. Like, I mean every time.
As we worked together in our sessions I finally uncovered her problem. Due to trauma in her earlier life (which I will omit to protect her privacy), she carried a deep sense of unworthiness toward actually being in a relationship.
My client consciously wanted to be in a relationship, but her subconscious energy was saying, “I don’t deserve this. I should not have this”. The resulting outcome was that she got stood up time and time again. She was putting out a “reject me” energy and so she was attracting men that would reject her.
Over the weeks and months, we whittled away at the root cause of these negative thought patterns. She was extremely committed to her growth. Soon she was going on first dates and second dates.
Then one day, it happened. She met “The One”. The day she came to tell me she was meeting his parents and they were talking about marriage I knew she had completed her work with me. Her energy had shifted and she had found her match.
My Advice
You cannot attract what you do not have.
My advice to anyone out there who has been “looking for love in all the wrong places”, as the song goes, is to take serious stock of what you are looking for in a mate. Craft a profile with the utmost care and attention to detail.
I don’t mean tall, dark, and handsome. I mean character, personality, ethics, values, energy.
For example:
~ patience
~ generosity
~ selflessness
~ trusting
~ spirituality
~ etc.
Now, other people will tell you to make that list, manifest for that person, recite affirmations stating that you will find this person, and on and on and on.
But — you cannot attract what you do not have. Remember my business friend’s mantra: “Energy attracts ‘like’ energy.”
Got your list of what you are looking for in a mate? Great!
Now go out and cultivate those very same traits in your own life.
Yes, you will advance in finding your ideal mate. More importantly, however, when you do find that person you will be offering them the best version of yourself. Such a loving act as that always brings even greater blessings from the Universe.
One Final Energy Secret
I will leave you with this little secret to energy. When good energy joins good energy it is not just a mere formula of addition, it is exponential multiplication!
It is a given that the more you grow, the more you can contribute to humanity.
However, just imagine what two people, united, offering up the best versions of themselves, can contribute!
Look at you helping to make the world a better place! And you thought you were going to read an article on how to find someone to snuggle with on Friday night!
Love is so exquisitely elusive. It cannot be bought, cannot be badgered, cannot be hijacked. It is available only in one rare form: as the natural response of a healthy mind and healthy heart. ~ Eknath Easwaran
