The Strength of Surrender in Difficult Times
As life becomes more complex, competitive, and limited, I’ve found that the way forward is often through an unlikely means: surrender
In American culture, surrender gets short shrift — particularly when presented as a strength. Confidence, aggression, and a “no guts, no glory” attitude often seem like the necessary ingredients to overcome challenges.
We value the struggle and the striving it takes to accomplish something — surrender, in comparison, feels weak and timid.
But what happens when fighting doesn’t work? What if the circumstances of your life are such that you cannot fight nor flee your situation? If these options are taken off the table, due to outer circumstance (as in the COVID quarantine), illness (you are too weak to fight), or overpowering emotions — you might fight initially — but eventually, you’ll enter the world of surrender.
Surrender is actually one of the strongest stances we can take. When we surrender to our circumstances, it allows us to breathe a sigh of relief. We let ourselves off the hook — recognizing that we don’t have control over everything. More importantly, we realize that we don’t have to. We learn not to hold on so tightly. We can let our egos take a back seat.
In 12-step programs, the Serenity Prayer speaks to the power of surrender.
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; Courage to change the things I can; And wisdom to know the difference. — Serenity Prayer
The aspect of surrender to the “things we cannot change” is a harbinger of sanity, and particularly when circumstances are out of our control: with addiction, extreme challenges, or physical limitations — it’s insane to attempt to control them or power through them. The first step in 12-step programs is to literally admit powerlessness and “that our lives had become unmanageable.” Although initially this sounds terrifying, and it certainly can be, it ultimately amounts to acknowledging the truth.
After we surrender to our circumstances and accept the situation for what it is, magic can happen. Our (ego’s) letting go allows our intuition/higher self to come in and guide us. This aspect of ourselves always directs us on a higher path, although it might not be the direction that we think we should go in. But when we learn to trust in this voice of higher wisdom, our lives can be improved in ways we couldn’t even imagine previously.
This is how trauma, difficulty, addiction, and breakdown can lead us to a surprisingly new and ultimately more satisfying life. Being forced to surrender to a higher source of wisdom, and letting go of limited ideas about how to move forward, is ultimately the silver lining in situations that seem to be dead ends.
They aren’t really dead ends. They’re just situations aching for the magic of surrender — where you’ll soon dive off the unknown into the grace that was always waiting for you there.
