‘Think Like A Monk’ Takeaway #3: Do not bury your fears lest they might bury you
One of the best books I read back in 2021, was Jay Shetty’s ‘Think Like a Monk’. Ever since I read it, I have been sharing different snippets from different chapters of the book — expanding on the ideas highlighted in them. Coming here now with the third idea, I present to you — FEAR. Friend of many, foe of the brave-hearts.
Fear is psychological. Which means, it cannot be manifest in the shape of any living or non-living thing. It runs wild in the most complicated machinery known to man — our Brain, and that is enough for it to cause the damage we all dread. Somehow, we can get over the situation and talk about the shadowing fear in a belittling tone, after we face it.
But what about the next one? For as long as life continues, something is going to get in our way to make us rethink a decision a thousand times. That’s the question I had in mind while reading this particular chapter in Jay’s book knowing none of the previous books written on the topic ever reached a pragmatic solution to approaching fear. But, I feel this time Jay might have just done it!
So what to do when a new fear creeps in through the cracks of your mind?
Here’s the thing: this might be a new fear but not your first one ever. You have lots of fears that have crept into your mind in the recent or distant past. So, rate them. I know that sounds a bit traumatic but you don’t have to list them down. Just think of two fears — one that buzzed off before you even realized (giving you only minutes or seconds of anxiety) and another fear that got the better of you (in a not-so-good way). The former one would be a 1-on-10 on a FEAR-Scale and the latter a 10-on-10. Now, try placing this new fear somewhere on this scale. How does it seem now? Is it as lazy as a 1, scary as 6 or 7, or defeating one like a 9,10, or 11 (out-of-bounds)? Whatever it is — you now have the perspective of it. You know you have been through a grade-10 FEAR, so a 7–8 isn’t gonna trouble you much. And an 11 will be worth winning over to rate & review later. Also, you never whether something is good or bad right at the moment. Quick judgments are okay but the ones in hindsight are much better. Objectifying fear has never been so much fun, has it?
Umm.. can we avoid it? Isn’t ignorance bliss? Fear might find his way out…
Good point. But here’s the game — this Fear, it… knows how to play well. It scores every time it gets your attention so yes ignoring it could be good for you at the moment. But think of how many, many moves it has practiced over time. How many of your defensive moves has it learned over time? All it needs is one single perfect shot and it’s going to get your attention for sure. What might have seemed like a snowball will turn into an Avalanche? Your best move would be to keep playing with it — keep facing it so it gets weaker and when you have the right chance, you get to strike. Burying fear might seem like a really good option but tends to have an inner toll on us. It changes us from within. Unintentionally. Fighting the fear makes us stronger — now that’s a change. Becoming Stronger. Even Smarter than before. All because we chose to face it and fight it. Intentionally.
So all of this is for change, right? What if I just change without facing Fear?
Well, yes and no. Fear might get confused looking at you and the new personality you dawn upon yourself. But it’s not going away. Change needs to come with the intention for it to bring purpose to life. And any change, that does not occur intentionally, has consequences. Say, you are scared of revealing to your friends that you don’t enjoy the occasional remarks they make about certain kids in your school that don’t come from the same well-to-do families as theirs, so you also pretend to make the same remarks to tease them. This fear of not facing people, just to fit better in certain social settings is huge. And it has consequences — it makes you like yourself less for the values you are betraying, and it will make you question your identity sometime in the future. Lies pile up like a hill of sand but scatter away faster than any other hill. Instead, face the fear and let the change be attached to the purpose of becoming a better person rather than one who cannot even look at himself.
Well, those were the three questions that kept popping into my mind as I read the chapter while Jay kept simply answering them (along with a little of my subconscious-creative mind linking ideas). Fears must be faced before they take over your mind — starting from small corridors to the big warehouses of the brain. Next time, you find fear creeping in, face it, fight it, bury it once and for all, and write on its tombstone — here, lies FEAR — a friend of many, foe of the brave-hearts!
~Aditya Darekar
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