VIRTUAL VACATION

What Is Florida?

In pictures and words. Mostly pictures. Too many pictures.

All photos by the author.

Don’t I look great sitting there with my tan and bushy hair?

Florida is two long sandy beaches separated by traffic.

A highly reliable source identified this traffic as a “wrapped Ferrari.”

Florida is the fastest-growing state in the nation. Our host in Deerfield Beach claimed that 800 people move into Florida every day. A fact check revealed that he was in error. The number is closer to 1100 every day.

Jeremy Redfern, spokesman for the governor, said “People vote with their feet. We are proud to be a model for the nation, and an island of sanity in a sea of madness.” Perhaps the weather has nothing to do with it.

Early on a weekday

Florida is a place to tread lightly on religion and politics (Like everywhere else, right?). Should you be there for vacation, and intend to enjoy it, avoid the topics altogether. One resident told me their governor was a “Rock Star.” It was not apparent if his band played classic rock or heavy metal.

Florida is a place for all manner of watercraft.

One can never have too much horsepower.

Thought it would be great fun to have one of these until we found out the price.

Wind-powered version of the board with hydro-fin.

Remember sailboards? The cool kids have abandoned them for kite surfing.

Hang time could be the reason.

Now everyone wants to do it, even if it means riding piggyback while wearing a thong.

“More better” appreciation of kite surfing at the links here and there for air.

Those also surf who only stand on waves.

Florida is full of restaurants. Cheap eats? The tourists from New Jersey say, “Fugeddabowdit!” But you’re on vacation, right?

And of course, you can reduce your bill if you order none of these.

The Intracoastal Waterway in Florida provides a means of moving just inside the coastline by boat. That’s “intra” meaning “within” and not “inter” meaning “between” even though it is really between the east and west coastlines and everyone pronounces it “inter.” But that makes sense since this is Florida. Chill out, linguists.

A barge on the Intracoastal

Every state should have a few of these Intracoastals. Iowa would certainly benefit.

Property values would go up. This place can be yours for $7,950,000

Florida is ostentatious. While not unique in having a disparity, in Florida, extreme wealth is on full display. In neighborhoods on channels off the Intracoastal, $200,000 automobiles are parked in front of $20,000,000 houses with $5,000,000 boats behind. These are interspersed with $350,000 automobiles parked in front of $30,000,000 houses with $10,000,000 yachts.

A shack backing up to the Intracoastal

And on the Atlantic coast, it gets expensive. In places where there are no high-rise condo buildings with million-dollar apartments, mansions command the view.

Lovely little ranch

The second floor provides superb incoming hurricane views

Those of us with fewer means have to wonder where all the money comes from. And maybe even, “Why?”

Florida is a lifestyle. A retired resident insisted that routine is essential. Get up, have coffee and breakfast, go for a walk, eat lunch, go to the beach or golf course, enjoy happy hour, eat dinner, chill, and go to bed. Repeat.

And when on the east coast, maybe catch a sunrise once in a while.

Florida is a haven for critters flying, walking, and swimming.

Pelicans flying in formation

Someone likes the sun

Who does your spikes?

They always point into the wind

Out for a stroll

Sandpiper inspecting the sargassum at the shore.

With swimming critters nearby

But all the critters know Florida is the beach. That’s really what Florida is all about. Even most humans agree that the best of Florida is lounging on the sand and going for long barefoot walks while the sea breeze clears your mind.

Hope this has helped clear yours!