What’s remarkable about talking to yourself?

Most of the time, when I talk, I talk to other people. But sometimes I talk to myself. It might be in my head. But sometimes it might also be out loud. Many people talk to themselves. So talking to yourself is not remarkable in itself.

What is remarkable, however, is that there are two modes of self-talk: I can think out loud or I can have a conversation with myself. And language clearly distinguishes between these two modes.

When I think out loud, I will use “I” to address myself. So I would say:

I’m such an idiot.

Image created on Canva by Martina Wiltschko

But when I have a conversation with myself, I will use “you” to address myself. So I would say:

You are such an idiot.

Image created on Canva by Martina Wiltschko

Now, what is so remarkable about this is that when I have a conversation with myself, language plays along and treats me like another person. I can even address myself using my name as a vocative:

Martina, you are such an idiot.

But crucially, when I think out loud, I cannot do this. If I address myself with my name, I cannot then continue with “I”. If I do, it sounds like I just split my personality.

Martina, I’m such an idiot.

Image created on Canva by Martina Wiltschko

What is so remarkable about this is that, in all these cases, I know that I’m talking to myself. Yet the language I use can distinguish between these scenarios. If I treat myself as someone I’m talking to, then my grammar allows me to treat myself as someone I can address. If I’m thinking out loud, then my grammar does not allow me to treat myself as someone I can address.

So what?

The way you talk to yourself matters! If you are someone who doesn’t trust your own judgment, maybe use “you” if you want to convince yourself of something like:

You can do it!

But if you are someone who only trusts yourself and won’t let anyone tell you what to think, maybe use “I” if you want to convince yourself:

I can do it!

Your grammar won’t know how (un)convinced you really are. As long as you use "I,” you will convince your unconscious that you already believe what you are saying. Because, as far as your unconscious grammar is concerned, you are just thinking out loud.