Women Suck… Right?
Alright, let’s stay the pitchforks, this isn’t a smear piece. It’s a discussion on the elements of self-perception, external validation, and the emotional toll of societal expectations touched on by a seemingly humorous X post asking how The Boys’ Zack Quaid landed co-star Claudia Doumit.
Ah, the age-old quandary — “how did he land her?” On the surface, we see an average looking dude dating an absolute bombshell. There are people wondering how this string bean won the lottery, while others crack up at the evident disconnect. Don’t get me wrong, it’s funny… but there’s more to unpack here, so let’s dive in.
Jealousy is not a good look
Let’s start with the obvious — it’s not… it’s simply not. Jealousy stems from someone having something we desire but don’t believe we can achieve. If you’re lonely, you envy friends in happy relationships. If finances are tight, you resent peers who are more financially secure. And… in reference to the X post at the center of this blog…
If you find it difficult to engage with beautiful women, then you will be jealous of people who do so successfully.
And then what happens? You grow resentful of both the thing that you want, and the people getting it. You hyper focus and double down on your strengths, which probably weren’t the issue in the first place — and you get frustrated as you put work into these departments and continue to not see results. Your delusion and resentment continue to grow… adding to the cascade of disappointment and negativity.
A little jealousy here and there is normal, you’re human. But don’t let it consume you, understand the disparities, and work on addressing them — which brings me to my next point…
You have to fit the job description
Competency isn’t explicitly segmented, but it also isn’t explicitly generalized. Certain skills can give you a baseline head start, but it doesn’t mean you’ll just be able to pick something up and immediately be a stud.
Let’s return to the original post for a second… “how did this cute and charming and funny man manage to date a hot woman when his masculine phrenology is off and he doesn’t have big muscles.”
Now I’m very passionate about fitness and healthy living, but It’s important to note that big muscles does not equal dating very attractive women (although it can help). The more important thing to note is:
Success is based on your ability to fit and fulfill the job description!
There are a ton of people out there with a vast array of likes, interests, beliefs, and perspectives, and you’ll attract people who are looking for what you’ve got. Well, can you do if the people you desire want things that you don’t have? Well…
Work on those things! You are among the most advanced creatures on the planet. You are malleable, ever evolving. Establish your shortcomings and work on them until they’re where they need to be.
Accept it! You’re not going to be everyone’s cup of tea… and if you are hell bent on wanting people that don’t want you, you’re in for a world of hurt and disappointment.
Now, working on our shortcomings isn’t easy. And not giving a fuck isn’t exactly a walk in the park. And that brings me to my final point…
It’s not easy
I’m really sorry if you got this far and thought it would be. I wish I could give you all the answers, tell you that things would make sense, and that everything would work out. But I can’t. So instead I give you this…
Keep going
It can be a dark, lonely road, and you don’t know where you’ll end up. You may do a million things and still feel as if you’ve gone nowhere. It can be disheartening, discouraging, and downright depressing. You’ll think you’re being singled out, that you’re being punished. You’ll see people with half your talent making twice the strides. You’ll work your ass off, give it everything you have… and it still may not be enough.
Thing is… if it’s not the right fit, it’ll never be enough
A long time ago… There was a girl I really liked. I thought we were the best of friends and that she was the most amazing person on the planet. She was smart, funny, attractive and, you guessed it, I had absolutely no idea what to do.
So I dove into my strengths. I launched a charity and my first company. I joined a startup as the Head of Research. I got into incredible shape. And all this while, I disregarded any iota of boundaries, making time for absolutely everything and anything that was happening in her life, from school presentations to Christmas Day.
The best part… when things didn’t work out, all of these accomplishments felt like nothing. All the places my articles got published, all the cool things my startup was doing, the fact that at 27 I was worth a few million dollars… none of it mattered. All that mattered was that someone that I really liked didn’t like me, and it felt like a bunch of work for nothing. Taking it back to the post. I went and got all the muscles (metaphorically and literally)… and then was mad that she liked the cute, charming, funny guy.
But what if it didn’t matter if I was cute, charming, and funny? What if that wasn’t it? Maybe it was never about me, and me making it about her was a big part of the problem? And with that, I leave you some final thoughts.
Do things for you. Feel good about them, and give yourself credit, cause you’re a rockstar.
People aren’t all bad… many times it’s not you or them, it’s just the wrong fit.
Find your fit. Find your place. Find your people… somewhere along the way you’ll find home.
Keep believing in yourself. You got this. I know you do.
