Do you Know What Else Is Self Love?

Being more “meh”

Stoic space cat. Image created with MidJourney by the author.

Relax, nothing is under control
— Adi Da Samraj

Accept what you cannot control

Embracing your “meh” is about being indifferent about the outcome of something. Focusing more on the process and less on the outcome.

Being indifferent doesn’t have to mean that you don’t care, but rather, that you wholeheartedly accept any outcome of a situation, and will be okay with it either way. It’s part of letting go of control of things you cannot control.

I know, I know, “meh” sounds so … like you don’t have any attachment to the situation. As if it doesn’t mean anything. As you couldn’t care less, either way.

And it’s kind of what it is about, although it’s the other way around. It’s not like it doesn’t matter, but rather it’s a way of accepting, that whatever happens, it will be okay. You will be okay. You will find a way. If not the way you had imagined, then there is always another way.

If you are an emotional being, like I am, this is not an easy thing to detach yourself from the outcomes of things that you feel are important to you. Heck, being a human is generally not considered an easy thing. So it takes practice.

Free yourself of expectations not aligned with your values

But another and perhaps even more important aspect of embracing your “meh” is giving yourself permission to say no to things that don’t bring you or your loved one's value.

This, in turn, means, that you need to be able to understand your true self, who you are when you are free of societal expectations and pressure, and figure out what truly matters to you. Only then can you be able to stand up for yourself and say “meh” to things that don’t align with your values.

So:
Step 1: Find your values.
Step 2: Something-something (see below)
Step 3: Success!

Learn and unlearn. Image created with MidJourney by the author.

Practice your way to “meh”-lightment (the something-something)

Practice the “meh” by trying to become less dependent on other people’s approval or validation.

Also, practice accepting that things don’t always go as you planned. And it’s okay, just relax, do your best in the areas of life you value the most, and enjoy the ride.

While it’s natural and understandable to thrive when feel liked by others, it is also a double-edged sword. Because the more you are in need of external approval, the more disapproval will hurt you. And hence you will be “trained” to follow other people’s opinions rather than living your authentic self (although the “self” in itself is not that simple, because we are also defined by our relations, none of us are isolated beings, and we have many facets — many selves — but that is a topic for a different post).

Your self-worth should come from the inside. Easier said than done, but here are some practical examples of how to practice on your way to “meh”-lightment:

In relation to other people:

• When discussing with someone, listen to what they say, reflect, and give your honest opinion, without needing them to agree with you. Be curious about their point of view, even if it goes against your beliefs.
• Don’t always believe your beliefs. Actively practice unlearning, by taking a step back and playing the role of the devil's advocate. Try to see a situation from several points of view, and even if you are sure of your own arguments, try to understand the complex reasons behind other people’s opinions.
• When you receive criticism or negative feedback, take a deep breath, let your emotions pass through you, and try to evaluate it with an objective mind, once you are calm. Is there anything constructive in the feedback that can help you grow as a person?
• When you are in a conflict with someone, remind yourself that you are not in control of the other person’s values and opinions. Focus on your own thoughts and emotions.

In relation to life and environment:

• When faced with unexpected changes, try to pause and give yourself time to accept the change and adapt. Perhaps with reflection, you will be able to find new opportunities in the change. Sometimes we just need some time to accept and be okay with changes, and the same goes for other people. Give yourself and other people a break to handle changes in their own space and time.
• In general, focus more on the process of things, the enjoyment of the journey, and your actual steps on the way, rather than the details of the outcome.
• Declutter your home and practice letting go of things that no longer serve you to practice detachment. Be grateful for things that used to serve you well, and kiss and let go, if they are no longer of any other value than pure nostalgia.

In relation to self:

• When reflecting on your past regrets and mistakes, acknowledge the lesson learned and forgive yourself. There is nothing you can do to change the past, but you still have the power to let it influence future choices. And sometimes a lesson need to be learned several times, so don’t worry about it if you have made the same mistake several times.

Say “meh” to your past, to things that don’t create any (more) value for you, to other people’s opinions, and to anything else outside of your control.

Accept that what will be, will be (que sera, sera).

Love your fate (amor fati) and try to look for opportunities in unexpected change.

Let go of unrealistic expectations and be more like water (in Taoism): flow with the structures of the universe instead of fighting against the stream.

And above all: find the inner strength in your own self-love and self-worth. Do you think I am writing love letters to myself just for fun? No way, it’s serious business! Especially when you are trying to let go of that special someone's unrequited love (twin flame, or twin shame? Meh!).

But also: don’t forget to have fun!

And also: Have some tea with that. It’s good for the darkness of your soul.

Ciao!

Tea? Image created with MidJourney by the author.