I’M A PARROT &
I LOVE REPETITION
and you love it and you love it and you love it
--
Ya’all, before I get into the wonderful world of all the many noises I make with the mouth part of my face, I just want to say THANKS A MILLION to all the people who showed up big time during my most recent writerly despair. Writer’s block isn’t a cessation of writing or the inability to write. For me, it’s realizing that I have to rely on an often inadequate organ, my brain, in order to achieve my artistic ambitions. It’s realizing that I seem only able to talk about the problem of writing, that I seem to be temporarily incapable of writing my way through the problem of writing. In short, it’s a nightmare.
Anyway, I’m happy to report that the block is subsiding, the neurons are firing, I’m thinking a tad clearer, if only just a hair—it’s clear enough to see ten feet in front of me, and that’s all I need, for now. I am, for better or for worse, drawn to writing more than anything else, and it’s that fact that gives it the ability to break me in half. Thank god I’m not the world’s only writer.
Now, onto what I heard since our last congress, because ohmygodohmygodohmygod.
Sometimes when I listen to podcasts, I get goosebumps and want to call people and just scream, “BLAH, BLAH, BLAH!!!” or whatever it is I heard that affirmed my existence, or validated an observation that I/you made at some point, or provided some new-to-me piece of intelligence. This week, a man on Radiolab named Owen who has autism validated the fuck out of me. The fuck out of me. Owen validated the fuck out of me. The fuck out of me.
Let me back’er up though. As I’ve mentioned before, I’m an auditory being. I’m always inserting a beat to what I hear even when there is no beat. It’s probably why I’m so compelled to fill any alone-ness with noise (and junk food). I often create a song, alone or with others, in order to express my excitement before I realize that I’m even in the act of creating. I believe that’s what we call instinct? (I’m not saying it’s a good one.) I’m also quite good at mimicking people, so I will parrot the fuck out of you. The fuck out of you. I will parrot the fuck out of you.
Eva and I cooked up this jam because our roommate’s cat cries a lot. We assume this is why.
To complicate the issue, I have always thought myself to be hard of hearing, which seems at odds with my “obvious” auditory “ability.” My mother suspects I have ADD and simply cannot focus long enough to hear (there may be some truth to this theory). But there seems to be more than a kernel of truth to the fact that my longest relationship took off in part because neither of us could hear very well and so our loud-decibel levels were not so loud to one another and we could communicate clearly with each other 100 percent of the time (because we were just yelling, ya know? it was awesome).
I used to find my skill with and attraction to noise at odds with my perceived deficit (or linked, perhaps a challenge to overcome or an obsession with my own inadequacy). My therapist is the one who actually encouraged me to go get tested. So, I went to the ear doc, sat in the waiting room occupied with octogenarians, and had my turn with a man who plugged my ears with all sorts of colorful nubs and stuck me in a closet-sized dark room where I lifted my hand when I detected a tone. He determined that my hearing was above-average good. I was shocked.
What I was experiencing, he explained, was the “uncomfortable feeling of fullness” associated with hypermobility. Basically, your ears have a sphincter-like element to them—the ability to contract in response to loud noises to protect your sweet, sweet, little eardrums from bursting. My left ear does not have this mechanism. So, it hurts me a bit to hear on that side, I guess—the doctor refused to give me any context of what I might do or not do, experience or not experience as a result of his findings. I tried to google this “condition,” and there’s very little available.
I digress. The point is, I am obsessed with tones, beats, rhythms and music. Songs and spoken words link me back to my memories more so than scent, taste, and even photos.
My most primal method of dispensing love, however, is my parroting. And the man from the “Juicervose” episode of Radiolab seemed to relate in a distant way. Now, he is autistic, and it seems to have become very fashionable to claim that you are on some level of “the spectrum.” I am not trying to make that claim when I say that I relate to him (I mean, I do make that claim when I’m alone with my friends and everyone knows we’re just joshing around—I’m at least part jerk). But, repetition and parroting as a way to socialize, which is what that episode is about to a large degree, is something I relate to so, so much.
If someone’s tone or cadence strays from their norm, I like to repeat it back (which reminds me of a Deep Thought by Jack Handy: “I hate it when people say somebody has a ‘speech impediment,’ even if he does, because it could hurt his feelings. So instead, I call it a ‘speech improvement,’ and I go up to the guy and say, ‘Hey, Bob, I like your speech improvement.’ I think this makes him feel better.”).
If someone says a word that I like or haven’t heard, or a combination of words with a particularly pleasing assonance or alliteration, I simply must feel the words in my mouth, too—so I repeat it back. Some people (very few, to my knowledge) are off-put by this, and experience a mocking undertone from me. I understand why, I do, but they have misunderstood me. My intention is playful affection. It’s probably the most “me” way that I show my adoration. It’s me saying, “I’m paying attention to you.” Anyway, I feel like Owen, from the Radiolab episode, would understand.
Apparently, there was a lot of backlash about “Juicervose,” and now I feel naive for liking it so much. Some people involved in the autistic community felt like the coverage was shallow, that Radiolab could and should do better. I might be totally behind on autism, but I will weight in about expectations of the media. First, Radiolab is shallow. It operates on a limited time and budget. It introduces us to subjects and then lets us roam free. Show me an episode of Radiolab that did its subject a thorough justice — seriously, show me. Show me any piece of journalism, for that matter, that wholly captures its subject. The task is impossible, especially when the general public knows so little about autism. There’s a lot of explaining to be done to begin with, let alone going deeper. What can we expect of thirty minutes of coverage?
Second, whenever anyone reports on a topic as personal and misunderstood as autism, people most involved in that topic will feel there has been an injustice. But here’s the deal: most of us don’t have practice talking about the subject so we’re not going to talk about it well until it’s more integrated into our common language. Like the subjects of race and gender equality, or anything controversial, we aren’t going to get better at thinking about autism and talking about autism unless we’re given a chance to try. We deserve the room to make mistakes, and learn from them. But if we’re too scared to fuck up, we won’t ever get to that next level, we will never progress. I’m not part of the autistic community, but I’m certainly curious about it and sympathetic to its challenges. This episode gave me a broad view of this particular neuro-variation and tidbits that I wouldn’t have heard otherwise. So, however shallow my understanding of autism is now, it’s less shallow than it was before, and isn’t that a good thing?
Anyway—listen to “Juicervose.” The word juicervose plays an incredible role, not so unlike my parroting, mimicking, and love of repetition.
This is the best soundbite, mainly because I didn’t do it. It’s by Noah Jordan. He likes to make up songs, too. The 303s will remember the glorious day of the birth of “Tickle that Taint.” Tickle, tickle, tickle.
NEW-TO-ME THIS WEEK
I add new-to-me podcasts in my podcast guide, too
Serial
I’m 100 percent obsessed with this new podcast. It’s one true story told week by week. It’s episodic. The first season, or collection, is a murder mystery. Every single human I’ve recommended this one to has become equally as obsessed. We need to start a book-club style meeting for this one.
(More on Serial: The New Yorker piece on Serial & The Slate piece on Serial)
THIS WEEK’S BEST-ISODES
- Serial — All of them.
- Ms. Pat—WTF with Marc Maron
- Juicervose — Radiolab
NOTES
{If you see an episode you listened to, too, stick me with a note about your thoughts, yo. Podcasts appear in alphabetical order by podcast name.}
Bill Burr’s Monday Morning Podcast —10–13–2014
→I really appreciate how he takes his fan email questions so seriously. Some of the questions are a bit pedestrian if you ask me, and yet, he offers real and thoughtful advice. You’re nice, Bill. I just realized that maybe his last name is a device… Burr. Whoa. Am I stupid?
Intelligence Debates —Mass Collection of U.S. Phone Records Violates the Fourth Amendment
→I haven’t heard people lament about their love of the Declaration of Independence, Bill of Rights and Constitution in some time, so this episode was inspiring. I found myself monitoring the ability of the guests to speak more so than the words they were speaking because they were so damn smart and engaging.
→They totally changed my mind on the subject. I am becoming more and more aligned with conspiracy theorists every day. Maybe I will look into buying some cats and a bunker.
Professor Blastoff —176 Action Movies (with Aisha Tyler), 177 Foster Parenting (with Kristina Goolsby), 178 Books (with Jen Hitchcock)
→I haven’t been that into my beloved Professor Blastoff lately, but the “Foster Parenting” episode was hugely informative and there was a body-rapping moment in the “Books” episode that made me laugh, a little. Step up your game, PB.
Radiolab—Juicervose
→I mean the whole post is about this one, but the most impressive part is when you realize what “Juicervose” is. I got goosebumps. It’s so good.
→By the way, the book they mentioned that Owen’s father wrote, Life, Animated, is not one that I want to read after this podcast. Why am I telling you that? Maybe because I’m an asshole.
Serial — The Alibi, The Breakup, Leakin Park, Inconsistencies, Route Talk
→If you’re not listening, you’re missing out. Catch up and tell me your thoughts. Now. Go listen now.
The Catapult — Julia Pierpont & Gabriel Roth
The Dinner Party — Episode 271: Bill Hader, Hiss Golden Messenger, and Betty Halbreich
The Moth—Radio Hour: Breasts, Burials, and Cake
The TED Radio Hour — The Source of Creativity, The End of Privacy
→OMG Sting! What a guy. They talk about his creative impotence and creative virility and his new Broadway show. He seamlessly moves from singing to talk. It’s insane.
→I am obsessed with anything that demystify creativity. I really resent the idea that I am special or different because I have pursued something so obviously creative. I feel very outside (or othered) when people purport that creative pursuits are either unattainable or inherent. I’m a firm believer that everyone is creative. “The Source of Creativity” validated my point of view.
→It did discuss, however, that some people have specific passions—a single-mindedness that allows them to pursue one thing for many, many years. Everyone has creativity; not everyone has passion. Passion might be special, and at the very least, it is unusual.
The Read—No Label (The Bizarro Episode)
→So I happened to watch the O Network’s “Where are They Now?” episode with Raven Symone (from “That’s So Raven”). I never watch this kind of thing, but this episode was raging my mom’s TV the other day and I watched. When The Read discussed it, I was happy to be in on the conversation. Raven says she rejects the labels of lesbian and black and African American, because she’s an American and that’s a “colorless person.” Or something. I thought The Read had a valuable, insightful opinion on the subject. Oprah said Raven was going to get slaughtered for saying such a thing, but it doesn’t seem to be as simple as that.
This American Life —Secret Identity (recast) & The Secret Recordings of Carmen Segarra
You Made It Weird with Pete Holmes —Kamau Bell & Orny Adams
Who Charted —10/3/2014 TWO CHARTED, 201 Cameron Esposito, 202 Lauren Lapkus
WTF with Marc Maron — Bob Rubin, Ms. Pat, Rivers Cuomo, Tim and Eric
→Ms. Pat’s episode is crazy-good. I have never heard of her or seen her comedy, but I could have listened to her for hours.
→Thank god she is writing a book. I felt a weird solidarity with her. She said she was working on her book proposal and I wanted to call her and ask her what her plot is going to be. She’s more interesting than I am (that’s not exactly a big achievement), and her perspective is so raw and simplified (I have a hard time reducing) that I believe she will kill it. How does one avoid making a circus of one’s life, Ms. Pat? Wait, wait. Let me ask that again. How does one make a circus of one’s life, Ms. Pat?
→Did anyone else think it was a little unethical for Maron to publish the conversation he had with Bob Rubin? The guy sounds unstable. He admits to being bipolar and says he’s on his meds, but he also talks about losing his apartment, trying to get on late shows in bizarre ways and seems a bit unhinged.
Thanks to Stephanie for suggesting Serial!
