Joining the Boys Club

Esports is something very close to my heart. Our schools program is something I’ve been apart of since the beginning, and its social media accounts are essentially my babies. Their development and style has been my job and continues to be my job. Our team this year is strong, our Head Coach, Alex Kurtz, thinks that we can win the Landmark Conference and compete in Nationals. The make-up of this team and its staff is the focus of my piece. Of the entire line up, including the B-team and extra team staff, I am the only one who does not identify as male. Now being non-binary has its own struggles even in a mixed group, but being a female non-binary person in an all male environment is a difficult, but normal situation for me. The easiest way to do well in this kind of situation, for me at least, is to become “one of the guys”.

The easiest way to join a club is to have the members see you as the same as them. This is made somewhat difficult due to a couple different things. Before anything else appearance has always been an annoyance for me. Fitting in with a group of guys becomes a lot harder once you start looking obviously female. So the way I dressed at the beginning of the year was more masculine, less revealing, anything to separate their image of me as a female. The next step, which if I could do would make my life a lot easier, is to show an understanding of the game close to their level of understanding. I know how the game is meant to be played but do not have the skill to play it at a higher level.

The group has settled, and so have I, and at least in this group I am accepted into the fold. It is still a boys club but they at least know how to bend a little bit.